Women Physicians, Prioritize Your Well-being
As I write this, I am currently in Grand Cayman at the Women's Physician's Wellness Conference where I am leading the daily Mind-Body Workouts. And, it has been amazing!!! When I was asked to lead, I was beyond excited because I knew that I would have a great excuse to take a vacation!!
When I read my words… I don’t love them. “Excuse to Take a Vacation” is not the language I want to use. It isn’t the story I want to tell myself. So, this week - I decided to change my story. And, this is why. When I choose myself, I choose vacation for myself. When I choose vacation for myself, I am prioritizing my needs.
What I do know is that when we give ourselves dedicated space and time, we gain clarity, motivation, and even gratitude. The process requires us to slow down and get in touch with our thoughts, our feelings, our blind spots. And, I know for me - I am pretty good at ignoring my blind spots.
So, I started to dig deeper this week. I decided to make a list of the obstacles that prevent me from choosing myself. And guess what???? I have control over each and every one. Because- they are all thoughts. Things like: I don’t have time, others' needs are more important, I need to do A+ work, I am not doing enough, what if I don’t meet expectations. And, also things like: it feels so uncomfortable to slow down, I already know what I need, I don’t need that much. The list goes on and on and on and on.
And, let me share a little tip with you. This is what happens when we don’t believe that we have a choice to choose ourselves.
Thought - I don’t have a choice to put my needs first
Feeling - Trapped
Action - Don’t make the choice that I want to
Result - Believe that I don’t have a choice, my needs are not that important
For us to choose ourselves, we have to believe that we have a choice. And, we do. We always have a choice. Whether we feel trapped in a job or relationship or even our own mind… we are not. So, what’s standing in the way???? Just a thought. A thought that we think is an obstacle.
To choose ourselves, we have to remember why it is important. It is important because we absolutely cannot pour from an empty cup. An empty cup is definitely not good for us, but all of those who we want so desperately to give to… it’s not good for them, either.
While I miss my girls, they needed me to choose me this week. My husband Mark needed me to choose me this week. I needed to choose me this week. In fact, I think we all need to choose ourselves more often.
Today, I want you to think of one way that you can prioritize choosing yourself this week. Trust me, magic will happen.
This is the last week to take advantage of our Early Enrollment Pricing for Transform® 4.0 where we offer 72-CME credits in our program. And even more exciting that those who enroll in this class will be grandfathered into our founding member tuition as long as they are a continuous Transform® 4.0 member. We offer 36 hours of LIVE coaching per month (insane value) for one of the most comprehensive physician coaching programs. And, each round we add more. This is a great opportunity for your long-term success.
It is a 5-in-1 coaching program loaded with coaching calls, live group personal training, weight loss and body composition change support with obesity medicine docs, 7-months of G.O.A.L.S. Society included, plus a curriculum delivered in bite-sized pieces.
We are now accepting applications for our April 25th class. You can apply HERE. Our team will be in touch with you shortly.
Leptin: The Hormone Holding You Back From Fat Loss
Doing Everything “Right” and “Nothing” is Working?
I wanted to keep you up-to-date on what we worked on this week at Life Coaching for Women Physicians. In our Workshop Series, we talked about some key hormones that have a direct impact on our ability to lose adipose tissue. My favorite hormone to teach about is Leptin.
Leptin is a hormone that is produced by adipose tissue, and it helps our body to maintain a normal level of body fat.
It also has a direct relationship with body fat. As body fat decreases, so does leptin. As body fat increases, so does leptin.
When our leptin levels decrease, our body may begin to think that it is starving. So, our body will try to preserve itself by shutting down fat loss and turning on our hormone ghrelin (the hunger hormone) that tells us to eat up.
As you can see, this could pose quite a challenge when we are trying to lose body fat. To complicate things more… many of us have leptin resistance which can develop from something as simple as going on a previous low calorie diet. The problem is that with leptin resistance, our body can have plenty of leptin, but our body cannot recognize it, so it continues to hold onto adipose tissue.
This is why there is no one-size-fits-all approach to fat loss.
The good news is that there are some things that we can do. Things like reducing stress, eating enough protein, decreasing added sugar, high intensity interval training, adding muscle mass with strength training, and calorie cycling are all strategies that can help us to become more leptin sensitive.
I base my programs off of these exact strategies to help my students work with their biology and work smarter, not harder. Just this week, one student shared her 8 week results where she lost 10 lbs of body fat while sparing almost all of her muscle mass. This is not an easy thing to do, but she was able to do it with strategic strength training and nutrition. Her body fat decreased by 5% in just 8 weeks. She feels amazing… has more energy… and is excited to keep showing up.
These are the kinds of results we get inside my 6-month program, Transform®. Not to mention, we offer 72-CME credits in our program. It is a 5-in-1 coaching program loaded with coaching calls, live group personal training, weight loss and body composition change support with obesity medicine docs, 7-months of G.O.A.L.S. Society included, plus a curriculum delivered in bite-sized pieces.
We are now accepting applications for our April 25th class. You can apply HERE. Our team will be in touch with you shortly.
Loving Our Unique Bodytype
I love teaching about our body types because it allows us to understand who we are. And, it also helps us with:
Self-Love | Self-Acceptance | Honoring Our Body | Embracing Our Strengths | Setting Realistic Goals | Creating Strategic Exercise Plans | Adopting Strategic Nutrition Strategies
It keeps us away from the diet culture that is so heavily messaged in our society. When we subscribe to The Diet Culture, we are constantly trying to change ourselves. We are often comparing ourselves. We indulge in thought distortions like all-or-none thinking, should statements, and mental filters (among others). We believe that we are trapped in a space where we can never accept ourselves… and we fear that we may never find inner peace.
When we become aware of and embrace our unique body type, we can honor it, stop judging it, stop comparing ourselves to others, unsubscribe to triggering media, surround ourselves with those who promote body positivity, and focus on what our bodies can do.
Genetics plays a huge role in our body type. I shared that my mother is mesomorph as is my father… therefore, I am also mesomorph, as are my two brothers. Genetics not only plays a role in what body type you have, but also in the way that we desire food, the way we regulate our appetites (some of us are hungrier than others), our metabolism, our weight set-point, our muscle mass, and our strength capacity, to name a few.
Our body type, or somatotype, refers to the idea that there are three generalized body compositions that people are predetermined to have. The concept was theorized by Dr. W.H. Sheldon back in the early 1940s, naming the three somatotypes: ectomorph, mesomorph, and endomorph. By understanding our predominant type, we can set realistic goals, adequately feed ourselves, and create an exercise routine that will optimize who we are.
The journey of self-love allows us to honor who we are, but we also have the freedom to make progress. The questions become:
What progress do you want to make? What is your GOAL? What is your WHY? GOALS should be small, realistic, specific - are yours? Strategy should be EFFECTIVE so we can work smarter, not harder. In order to achieve a long-term sustainable goal, we need to commit to a long-term solution.
You got this.
Want to learn more about our programs in a private info call? We have calls available to you. These calls are a way to see if our programs may be a good fit for you. They are not pushy sales calls but rather information sessions for you. If you come on board to work with us, we want to make sure you know ALL that is available to you. We overdeliver in all of our programs, so we invite you to take advantage of this opportunity. Our concierge team is on standby- you can schedule HERE.
Going Deeper in Understanding Your Why
This past week, I hosted the first of nine workshops in the free series, Transform with Ali. We had a fantastic turnout, and I am super excited to deliver our next topic this coming week. If you didn’t get to catch it, you can sign up for the replays, but I also want to give you some highlights here.
The take-home messages that I gave were as follows:
Spend Time on Your WHY
Go below surface-level thoughts
Take time on the thoughts that don’t serve you, so that you can start to notice patterns
Consider learning more about thought distortions - we all have our favorites
Be open to the new “feelings” that come up; they can’t hurt you
You are a masterpiece and you can be a work in progress
Your WHYs may change over time
Let me explain a bit further.
When we set a goal, we have to have a very compelling reason why we want to achieve that goal, or it could be a big struggle to actually reach it. We may find ourselves using willpower and burning out from trying.
But if we spend some time and go below the surface to really discover our why, then the struggle lightens, and we discover new momentum. We are willing to deal with obstacles and setbacks because our why is that important - it is EPIC.
Surface-level thoughts often involve things like, “I should want this,” or “it will make me happier,” or “it will make others happier,” or “I can’t risk the alternative.” All of these surface level thoughts may not actually give us a feeling that will drive consistent action toward a goal.
Now, here is the other thing we have to think about.
We often want to glaze over our negative thoughts and try to use positive thinking or avoidance of negative thoughts. But, the truth is that spending time with the negative thoughts will teach us a lot about our own patterning. Our thought patterns are powerful and if we learn them, we will have a lot more power in understanding more about ourselves and others (believe it or not).
Thought distortions like all-or-none thinking or should statements are also patterned. We typically have a top 2-3 that we go to. Again, learning more about thought distortions which I teach in my program Transform® is going to give you very deep awareness of some of your most powerful limiting beliefs.
Getting in touch with our feelings and not being afraid to feel all the things. This one is a topic for another time. But just popping it in here to say that many of our missed marks come from our unwillingness to feel our emotions. This is why I spend 8 weeks in Transform® helping my students to understand feelings.
You are a masterpiece and can also be a work in progress.
You can love yourself right where you are today. In fact, we get to love ourselves right where we are. And, we can also decide to make progress in an area. Self-love and awareness will allow us to want this for ourselves. This all starts with just showing up for ourselves in little ways to start.
Finally, our why will change over time. And, this is beautiful. This is growth. In order to be in tune with this, we have to be in tune with ourselves. To be in tune with ourselves, we have to continue to set aside time and go below the surface in our thoughts.
So much good stuff. And I can’t wait to share more. If you are not currently part of my Workshop Series… I am inviting you to 9 LIVE workshops with me. That is right, I am teaching the principles that I use in my programs to help my clients achieve mental, emotional, and physical Transformation. I am offering this series FREE of charge. Attend 1…attend them all…replays are available.
To gain access, SIGN UP HERE. Once you sign up, you will be able to access the replay library.
If you are a physician and need something for you, there are 2 ways to work with me. Early Enrollment for my 72-Credit CME Program, Transform®, is now open. And you will want to check it out now… I am extending 2021 pricing until March 7th.
Transform® is my 6-month CME accredited program to help women physicians “cure” mental, emotional, and physical burnout. Even more, Transform® offers over 30 hours of LIVE coaching every month.
Transform® includes:
- 6-months of intense group coaching
- 6-months of LIVE group personal training
- 6-months of body composition transformation coaching using a mindful or macro approach
- effective curriculum to implement mindset work
You can read all about the program HERE. And, when you join Transform®, you get 7-months of G.O.A.L.S. Society included!!
Join by March 7th and receive 2021 pricing.
Women Doctors Showing Up for Ourselves
As Female Physicians, we show up for our patients EVERY DAY - but why is it so hard for us to show up for ourselves mentally?
What does this even mean? I think it means having a commitment to be aware of the thoughts that are creating our reality. It is being open to the idea that we do have the power to change our thoughts. It's also being patient and showing ourselves grace so that we can buy into this.
So, where do we start?
Let me offer this sticky game. Kind of a catchy title. The sticky game can also be called the resistance game. So what I want you to consider doing, is to go to a quiet space, close your eyes, and allow your thoughts to just run freely. I want you to be the observer of your thoughts.
Is there a thought in particular that keeps showing itself brighter than all of the rest? Is this a thought that potentially creates an unsettled feeling in your body? If so, we can call this sticky game success. You have identified a thought that feels sticky. Showing up for yourself mentally is going to require you to decide if you keep wanting to think of that thought. That's all I ask of you today. Just decide if you want to keep thinking about it. This alone is showing up for yourself mentally because you have created awareness.
What is your sticky thought today? Sometimes it's super useful to share our thoughts. Let's go ahead and put them out there. After all, this will create even more awareness, and we will be showing up for ourselves even more.
Showing up for ourselves emotionally. Now, what does that mean? Just like with our thoughts, showing up for our emotions means that we have to be aware of them. Did you know that by identifying the emotion that you are feeling, you can decrease the intensity of it by at least 50%?
The problem is that no one ever told us that we had to become aware of our emotions. In medical training, it was more the norm to suppress what we were feeling. There was no time to process the emotion; we had to move on to the next patient. We had to get through the next 24 hours of this call. There was no time for emotions, at all.
But, that all can change now. Showing up for ourselves emotionally is figuring out what emotions feel like in our body. What does it feel like to be angry or frustrated or sad or happy or excited? Once we can become aware of our emotions, we can actually start to process them. Processing our emotions means that we are not distracting ourselves from them, we are not reacting to them, and we are not resisting them. Instead, we are just allowing them. The more often we are able to allow the sensations of the emotions in our body, we have all the power. Showing up for ourselves emotionally by allowing our feelings is available to us.
Showing up for ourselves physically. Now, this one is super fun for me. I love to show women how showing up for yourself physically will make it a little bit easier to also show up for yourself mentally and emotionally. Let me explain. One of the biggest reasons why I recommend exercise is to help increase the endorphins in our body. Endorphins alone just make us feel better. In fact, in the workouts that I lead, we have a stress level indicator before and after each workout. On average, stress levels decrease by at least 50% every workout. Hello endorphins!
Showing up for yourself physically means we are taking care of our body the best way we know how. It is going to be different for each and every one of us. I think the main point here is to know what your goal is and why you have that goal. Asking yourself, is my will strong enough? I see this all the time; someone will want to lose weight, however, their reason why is because they think they will be happier. But what if happiness is available to you right now?
We have to go deeper. Perhaps we want healthy aging, improved blood sugar control, improved cholesterol, reversal of osteoporosis, and increased lean muscle mass so that we can carry our groceries when we are 90. Showing up for ourselves physically means having an epic reason why setting a realistic goal and having a plan to get there are all available to you right now. How do you want to show up for your physical self? It’s available to you right now.
Let’s show up together…
You Are a Masterpiece… Lose The Guilt
You can be a masterpiece and a work in progress all at the same time.
Let me explain why this quote resonates with me so deeply. I believe that before we can make any lasting change, we must love who we are right here and now. I can see how this could pose a conflict. Are we saying that we don't really love where we are right now, and we are running away as fast as possible?
I always talk about how the journey is more important than the destination. You see, if we can love where we are right here and now- then what is the rush to go from point A to point B?
So, before we can proceed to make a change, let's spend some time not only getting to know ourselves better, but to also love ourselves more. There are no streamers and cupcakes when we reach our “goal weight” for example. If we want to make every day feel like a party on our journey, we have that choice. And, if there are streamers and cupcakes when we reach a goal, it is because we created them on purpose by indulging in our journey.
When every day feels amazing, the change that we choose will be long term and sustainable. More importantly, if we can accept that we are a masterpiece now then we will rid ourselves of guilt because we want to change something. We must understand the reason WHY we want to change and believe it wholeheartedly.
Self-Awareness is the Precursor to Self-Love
Self-awareness is everything. I think sometimes we say, “I want to gain greater self awareness,” but it often ends there. Why do we just stop exploring?
I think for a couple of reasons.
Sometimes we honestly don't know where to start with gaining more self-awareness. We go through the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives and often don't slow down to check in with ourselves.
Another reason is that we might be a little afraid to figure out what's inside of us.It’s so easy to become fearful of our deepest thoughts and feelings - so we tend to avoid them.
I'd like to give you a few things to think about in order to start curating this idea of self-awareness. You will gain great self-awareness by committing to taking a journey inward.
What I mean by this is getting to know yourself better than you've ever known yourself before. This means being aware of the situations that you find yourself in and noticing how you respond to them. And, this is just one example.
The next thing that will come up is discomfort. With growth there will always be discomfort. Facing discomfort (which is just a feeling that can't hurt you anyway) is going to be how your journey of self-awareness starts to deepen even further.
There could be some time between the start of your journey going inward, sitting with the discomfort, and then finally allowing for that journey outward. For each person, it will be different. How do you choose to show up in the world?
With self-awareness, we can be deliberate about what we want to change, OR, we may decide that we're fine just where we are right here and now.
Self-awareness is the precursor to finding self-love… so I am preparing you NOW because in the coming weeks we are going to take a journey toward unconditional self love. Are you ready? Let’s start to become aware. Is there anything this year that you have become AWARE of, that you didn’t recognize in yourself before?
I want to share one of my favorite quotes by the famous psychotherapist Dr. Carl Jung. He said, “Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
Sending you big love, my friends.
Are you a Self-Critic or a Self-Coach?
Do you have a stronger self-coach or a stronger self-critic? If you have any amount of perfectionism… we can assume that our self-critics are olympian-strength level.
Sometimes, we don’t realize how this is affecting the relationship that we have with ourselves. Mostly, because we aren’t even aware of how often we are criticizing ourselves. Often these thoughts are just automatic.
The good news is that it takes the same amount of energy to be a self-critic and it does to be a self-coach. Except, if we choose self-coach, we will be paid back in dividends with the energy we are able to acquire. So what is the resistance? Why do we choose to be self-critical? Again, it is not our fault - it is just a slew of old programmed thoughts.
But, now that we are aware: we can do something about it.
We can choose what we want to believe about ourselves. We can become the person who we want to become by thinking differently than we have before. You know the old saying, “If you want the same result, keep doing the same thing.” So, if you want to keep being a self-critic, keep thinking the same thoughts. If you want to be a self-coach, learn to create new ones.
So, let’s start nice and easy.
Think about something that you really really want for yourself. Identify what that is. Be very specific and very clear. As an example, I am going to use the goal of improved body composition. This goal is tangible and comes up in my groups all of the time. If I were working with someone to help them with this goal, from time to time, they may feel “stuck.” Feeling stuck may indicate that deep down we have a belief that we can’t really get what we want. This is our self-critic.
Here is the good news. You can choose to see your self-critic at the door right now. Today. All you have to do is recognize when your critic is showing up to play. You recognize and then make a decision. Would you prefer to choose your self-coach? Let’s get that self-coach off the bench. With your self-coach on board, anything is possible. And - you will actually have the energy to follow through. Again, it takes no additional effort to choose the coach.
How do you like to be coached? What would your coach say to you to be inspired? What do you need to hear? This is what we work on creating. This is the magic language that will allow you to feel more content, see glimpses of self-compassion, and to stop feeling stuck.
Finally, how will you decide to choose your coach over your critic? Any resistance here? What is the worst thing that could happen if you believed your coach?
You are amazing and dynamic and unique… you got this.
Mind-Body Goals in 2022
Happy New Year, my friends.
One of the things that I hope to bring you, my loyal readers, is more value. My hope is to offer you some effective tools to make progress just by reading the weekly blog. So, I thought we would start off right away.
Mind-Body Goals. That’s what we are talking about today. I am going to go one step further and say that today we are going to create 1 mental, 1 physical, and 1 emotional goal for 2022.
In order to do this, please follow along with this email and go through the steps in order. I recommend grabbing a pen and paper and writing down your observations as you go.
Step 1. Close your eyes and visualize your ideal state of health and well-being. Where are you? What are you wearing? What hairstyle are you wearing? What time of day is it? What are you doing? How are you feeling? Be as specific as possible and record it on your paper.
Step 2. Close your eyes and again visualize yourself in your ideal state of health and well-being. This time we are focusing on our physical self. When you think of your physical health, is there anything that you are particularly concerned with? Perhaps you were just notified that you have high cholesterol or high fasting blood sugars, or maybe you have been feeling more fatigue. Maybe, you are feeling strong on your runs, but you have been skimping on your weight training. Or - maybe it is time to schedule your mammogram, colonoscopy, yearly check-up, or wellness visit.
What is one area that you want to focus on and set a small goal to improve? Let’s say you have had trending fasting blood sugars and you want to educate yourself on the best strategy to improve this. Notice I didn’t say that you have to fix your blood sugars today, we are just planning to educate ourselves on how to do this. Small, Realistic, Goals that we can set today.
Now, you are certainly allowed to have more than 1 physical goal, but I am a big fan of picking 1 and only 1… making progress on it… and then moving on to another. On your sheet of paper, write the one physical area of improvement and the first step you will take toward improving it.
Example:
Area of Improvement: LDL Cholesterol
First Step: Research best lifestyle modifications to improve this value
Step 3. Close your eyes and again visualize yourself in your ideal state of health and well-being. This time, we are focusing on our mental health. Can you identify any repetitive, intrusive thoughts that you have been managing recently? Thoughts that would drive you away from your ideal state of health? Perhaps you are experiencing a lot of “should” statements. “I should have done this… I should not have done that.” See if you can think of anything that has been on your mind and doesn’t make you feel very good.
Once you identify the thought, I want you to analyze it. Write your thought on your paper and then below the thought, start to list all of the evidence that would disprove it. Be as specific as you can. I want to show you that it is very easy to slip into the automatic negative thought pattern, but with just a little bit of work, we can also create thoughts that will serve us much better.
After you begin to disprove your thought with your evidence that goes against it, you may feel a bit lighter.
Next step is deciding what you want to believe instead. This is creating an intentional thought. This is powerful because none of us know the future. Our automatic negative thought and our new intentional thought have the same chance of being accurate. Or both of them could be wrong, quite honestly. The point is - which do we choose to believe? Once you have that thought… then a mental goal can be to go through this process again and again so that you can continue making more and more intentional thoughts.
Step 4. Close your eyes and again visualize yourself in your ideal state of health and well-being. This time we are focusing on our emotional health. When you visualize yourself, how do you feel? Content? Calm? Relaxed? Think about the feeling first, then write it on your paper. In order to feel a certain way, you have to think a certain way. Underneath the feeling on your paper, list all of the thoughts that make you feel that way.
Here is an example. If when I close my eyes, I visualize myself as content. Then, I would write CONTENT on my paper. Next, I would generate all of the thoughts that make me feel content. Here are a few: I am exactly where I need to be. I trust myself to make good decisions. I am a good friend. I appreciate my good health. My size does not define me.
You get the idea? The idea is that with your emotional 2022 goal, you do have a say in how you feel. How can you think of more thoughts that help you create the feeling that you want?
You can use this exercise again and again over the course of the year. Think of what you can achieve in mind, body, and emotions over the course of the year?!
Don’t want to do this work alone? Maybe you are looking for a community of women physicians who are committed to their mental, physical, and emotional self-care? We hang out in G.O.A.L.S. Society!! Our FREE 30-Day is going away soon… and we have so much amazing content this January. You can check out our community HERE.
2022 Here We Come
I am sitting here as I write to you all revisiting 2021. So this time last year, we were enjoying a Quarantine Holiday. The kids were in virtual school, so the holiday break didn’t feel like the typical break. Because… well… there was no break in the regular routine.
At this point Mark and I were awaiting our first vaccination that would happen in January. We were both working from home, grocery delivery was the new norm, and Amazon purchases were in high demand. We would take weekend trips to our pool house to get a change of scenery.
When January hit, we were so excited to look forward to our vaccines, but for us, our lifestyle wouldn’t change because the kids would not be vaccinated. We had tremendous cabin fever because we had been home bound since March of 2020. We had an at-home Valentine’s Day celebration where we hired the girls to be our waitresses who we call Scar and Betty.
March seemed to fly by because we were anxiously awaiting our trip to Florida, where we would rent a VRBO for a whole month. We drove all the way to Cape Coral with some fun stops at Wake Forest and The Biltmore. During our time in Florida, we relaxed, we swam, we had our first outdoor meals, and we walked… a lot. We even made it to Disney for a few days.
It was on our walks that Mark made the decision to cut down on his clinical practice and to join me in my business. Almost 9 months ago we decided this. And in just a few days, this will become our reality. What we realized is that we can’t buy time. What are we waiting for? Why not go after what we want now?
Mark and I met in med school and we always talked about working together one day. The problem was, I was a neonatologist and he was a psychiatrist. We had always thought about how we could combine our two worlds. Never in a million years did we imagine that we could build our own thing, our way, and give more value and help than we ever thought possible.
As of January 1st, Mark comes into Life Coaching for Women Physicians as an expert coach who will deliver topics like: Beyond Coaching, Relationship Real Talk, and Did I Screw Up My Kids? Together, we are excited to bring opportunities for tremendous growth in the physical, mental, and emotional health space.
The kids are at their new school and THEY ARE THRIVING. We have met so many amazing families and we feel so connected to the community. They are taking Spanish, Drama, Music, and Art classes. They are also learning to ice skate and considering learning to play Ice Hockey. It is a joy to bring them to school each day.
Our puppy, Lilly, is our third child. She is a silly, loving, sweet addition to our family. She spends all day looking for food. She also loves to chase birds and go to Starbucks. She really is the perfect fit for our family.
2021 taught us a lot. I think it allowed us to pause and decide to go after creating the legacy that we dreamed up 20 years ago as 2 young medical students. None of us can predict the future, so perhaps we can decide that the future holds the best possible scenarios for us all. This is what I am choosing to believe.
I am sending you all so much love.
Cheers to an amazing 2022.
If you are a woman physician and want to enjoy G.O.A.L.S. Society where Dr. Mark will make his debut, we are still offering a FREE 30-day through the end of January. You can read more about our amazing program HERE.
Shaking Old Thinking Patterns About Weight and The Scale
I fell into an old thought pattern the other day. I received some information from my primary care doctor that included what the BMI chart claims my weight should be: a full 15 kilos less than what I currently weigh.
For data purposes, my current BMI falls just within “normal,” yet my doctor’s printout said that I was significantly overweight. To follow up my stance that muscular healthy bodies are going to be heavier, I had my body composition analysis completed. And as I suspected, my skeletal muscle mass is what drives my scale weight up. But, even with this information… I still couldn’t shake the idea that I was apparently 15kg overweight. And this is not pounds…this is kilos we are talking!
I found myself spiraling, letting the old thoughts and beliefs I used to hold about my weight take precedence over what I currently know to be true. When these old thoughts resurface, it’s so important to have the power tools in your arsenal to tackle them head-on.
So what is my point? Our brains categorically take inconsequential events and build these huge stories and narratives around them that may or may not be true. The best thing you can do about them is to recognize them for what they are, understand that you will have them, no matter what, and learn to reevaluate them so you can reframe your thoughts into better intentions.
I believe the most important part of developing new, healthier thought patterns is to have emotional self-care practices in place. One of the best ways to do this is to talk about, and set, boundaries - not just with the people in your life, but also with yourself.
I’d also recommend being aware of “should” statements. They’re limiting and restrictive and don’t often tell you what you actually need to do in your own personal circumstances. They’re also usually tied into your old thought patterns and beliefs - you know, the ones you’re trying to get rid of! For example…"I should weigh 15kg less," based on nothing scientific is not helpful.
I wanted to bring this up because the idea is to not get rid of the thoughts completely, but to develop power tools to address the thoughts that do not serve us. I thought this was a very good example of how my career is devoted to helping women with body acceptance and optimizing their genetic potential, yet I forgot about this for a brief moment when an automatic negative thought took over.
Moral of the story… we are all human.
Sending you love and comfort and normalizing the old beliefs that will resurface from time to time.
Reevaluating Our Relationships
When the pandemic hit, my husband Dr. Mark and I knew we had to sit down and re-evaluate our relationship and the hats we wore. Living and working in the same house proved to be more challenging than we’d initially expected. We both found ourselves pushing boundaries.
It’s still a work-in-progress, but Mark and I opened the conversations that needed to happen so we could get our relationship and happiness back. We knew we needed to establish our goals in our relationship and as parents, but first, we needed to figure out our individual goals.
By setting our individual goals, we were able to fit them into our shared goals easier. What’s worked for us is setting aside time to discuss each of the different hats we wear; for example, if we’re on a walk, we dedicate one topic per lap. It’s all about finding what works for you.
Support Your Partner/Close Friends, Especially When Things Are Hard
One of the things we’ve learned over the last two years is how to support each other as parents, too. Even though we have different parenting styles, we can still show up and ‘tap-in’ when we see the other struggling or needing a bit of extra alone time.
When things get difficult, as they do, especially when spending close to 24 hours together, we’ve found that remembering what originally drew us to each other is helpful. Going back to those early roots can help a relationship stay alive and loving.
Finally, it doesn’t have to always be about the outcome. I’ve noticed how Mark is making more of an effort in many different areas. I’m so excited to see how our relationship together, as parents, and as business owners continues to grow and evolve.
Don't be afraid to ask for support.
Showing Up For Yourself
How often do you find yourself setting a plan, whether that’s about your health and nutrition, bedtime, or even making a big purchase, but you feel pressured by other people to change it?
It’s normal for us to feel that societal pressure and honestly, it’s even normal to give in to it. But what happens if you don’t?
What happens if you ask yourself if by giving in, you’re not showing up for your future self?
Especially as people-pleasers, we think by saying yes to what other people ask us to do, even if it’s outside our plan for ourselves, it’s what they want. And if it’s what the other person wants, then it’s in our best interest to do it.
I totally understand that showing up for yourself is not always comfortable. It’s a new muscle that you haven’t trained yet, but it will get easier with time.
Standing in your own truth and your own power is the best thing you can do. Not just for you who is standing there in the moment, but for your future self who benefits from the action you’re taking.
By showing up for your future self, you’re putting yourself into a growth mindset. Nothing good happens in your comfort zone, but so many incredible things happen when you step out of it.
Sending you all my love friends… and please know that I too am practicing my life outside my comfort zone.
Could You Use Some More Space?
If you feel that you’re constantly giving to others and never have enough time, you need to make more space for yourself. You might have already started to do this. Either way, your health and happiness rely on this space.
Stay alert for the times when your brain tells you it’s okay to fill the space you just made. Remember, the more we fill the more we can do. Yet, if you fall into this way of thinking, the boundaries that you’ve set up to protect your wellbeing will crumble.
Start by getting clear on your priorities.
You only have so much time and energy. Make sure it’s well spent.
What Happens When You Have the Space You Need?
A number of wonderful things happen when you make the space you need for yourself.
Your creativity will flourish. The irony here is that the more you say no to certain things, the more productive you can actually be.
You’ll also learn to be more comfortable with your thoughts. We’re so conditioned to always be busy that just sitting and thinking has become a rare practice.
When we create the right space, magic follows. We get more creative. We allow ourselves to live without judgment. We discover truths about ourselves. We find new insight into how we show up.
XO,
Ali
Do More of What Works
Every single person has multiple roles they engage in every day. Partner, parent, child, sibling, employee, entrepreneur, volunteer… you get the idea. But what happens when you actually take the time to look at how these roles are serving you? And, more importantly maybe, how you’re serving them?
By breaking down three questions in the narrative of all the different hats you wear - for me specifically in this podcast episode, as a wife, as a parent, and as a coach - I can reevaluate how I best show up in these roles. Identifying what’s not working really does allow you to figure out what is working and how you can use the momentum from that to create space to do more of that.
What are those three questions?
- What’s working?
- What’s not working?
- What can I do more of?
Opening up to the other people who experience you in these roles helps with communication barriers, as well. By knowing more about yourself and what doesn’t work for you, you can openly talk about that, apologize if necessary, and come to mutual decisions about how to move forward.
Finally, knowing your ultimate goal helps this whole process. If you know where you want to end up, you can curate your approach to make it work even better. Doing more of what works will absolutely help you reach those long-term goals quicker.
Say Yes to Yourself
Saying “yes” to yourself is a revolution that will absolutely change your life. You will feel freer while, at the same time, more in control of your life than ever before. But conditioning makes it so much easier to deny what we really want.
A magical, wonderful thing happens when you start to honor yourself and say “yes” to your true desires. You gain confidence, happiness, and charisma… and when this happens, you’re less likely to seek external validation.
But not only that: people will feel compelled to agree with what *you* want because of how much you’re lighting up with it.
Being stuck in an endless cycle of denial and saying “no” to yourself will inevitably make life start to feel sticky.
I want you to look at what areas of your life feel this way so you can start identifying the barriers you have to honoring yourself.
So how do we even make it possible to say “yes” to ourselves? It starts with identifying those sticky spots and starting to understand the thoughts behind them. We know from previous work how our thoughts are not facts, so it really is about getting to the root of the thought models holding us in denial.
Once you’ve identified these thought models, you can start to feel and understand how they’re limiting you. We’re so conditioned to accept our “no” that transforming it to a “yes” feels impossible. But it’s not enough to just change your thoughts.
Let’s explore how to create more of the feeling saying “yes” brings you. Cultivating that feeling leads to you saying “yes” to yourself more often. And these practices lead to a healthier, happier, more authentic life.
How will you say “yes” to yourself today? What can you do today that is in the highest honor of yourself?
Have a listen to my podcast that is hot off the press… I dive deeper into this topic. You can listen HERE.
Put Down the Stale Halloween Candy
If you are like me, you know what a diet is. And, if you know what a diet is, then you are familiar with the many thoughts and feelings it can provoke.
The diet usually starts off on a positive note. We complete our shopping list and food prep with hope and excitement. We follow and believe in our new “lifestyle.” But over time, the shopping list looks longer, the food prep seems harder, and we are not making the progress that we think we should.
How do we navigate through this all? What is the answer?
You should probably sit down while I reveal this truth. The answer may be hard to accept because of what it implies. But, the answer lies within you.
You have all the tools to attain the food freedom that you desire.
This type of freedom is completely unique to you. This is not something that you can copy from your neighbor; that tactic won’t work long term.
Everyone has a reason for wanting to manipulate their food consumption. Some want to gain weight, some want to lose, and some want to attain the better health that is promised by certain foods.
If you believe that your reason is worth the trouble, then likely you will take major action to reach your goal. What if major action is more than following a scripted exercise and nutrition plan?
Lasting results will only be possible if you are ready to go to work mentally.
What do you want your results to be? Personally, I want to be strong with an optimal body composition while eating foods that I enjoy AND fuel my body. And even more important, I do not want to obsess over food. To get these lasting results, my thoughts have to be convincing.
These new thoughts have to be so powerful and believable that they can replace the old ones.
And remember, old habits are hard to break.
To develop your plan, you need to identify the foods that will nourish your body, and eat these foods “all of the time.” The other foods, eat “sometimes.” This is a description of the 80/20 rule. Let’s be honest, it could be 60/40, 90/10, 50/50, does it really matter? The point is that you are making an effort to eat healthy most of the time.
I won’t be talking about which foods to eat. You will pick those. But I do want to give some tips as you begin to create your forever “eat healthy most of the time” plan. Your “sometimes” foods may not be eaten as often as your “always” foods, but they are just as important. In fact, they may even be more important.
This is what you need to remember about your sometimes foods. If there were ever a time to splurge on good quality - this is it. If you are going to eat chocolate, eat the best chocolate. If you are going to drink wine, drink the best wine. If you are going to eat buttered bread, please eat it warm and crusty out of the oven. Eat it slow. Enjoy every bite. But for the love of, put down the old stale Twix bar… make sure that bad boy is fresh and fabulous.
Happy Halloween… and remember... get snobby with your candy.
Change is Hard
Let’s face it, change can feel DIFFICULT…
Sometimes IMPOSSIBLE...
There are many reasons for this. Oftentimes, the change we want to make is one that we have tried to accomplish before. Perhaps we were not successful, and -
We called it a failure with a Big F.
Failure can result in an underlying automatic thought that we don’t have what it takes to change. We don’t have the willpower. We don’t have the time. All of these negative thoughts promote negative feelings. It is near impossible to achieve a desired result running on a negative feeling.
Beside the negative thoughts of failed past experiences, we also have to deal with the never-ending excuses or justifications that our brain will tell us. Thoughts such as, “You had a hard day, you should drink the bottle of wine.” Or perhaps, “You exercised for 2 hours today, you earned 3 snickers bars.”
Our brain offers us excuses
with hopes that we will use them
…so we can avoid negative emotion.
Let me give an example. Let’s say that you are depleted from a long day at work and you are supposed to meet with your trainer for a workout in 30 minutes. The thought of working out makes you feel absolutely overwhelmed.
In this situation, your brain may suggest the excuse, “You are just pushing too hard, you need a break.” The excuse takes away the feeling of overwhelm in the moment. So, you decide that it is a good idea to cancel your workout. You call your trainer and cancel.
The next morning, after a good night’s rest, you experience major regret that you did not stick to your workout plan. You let your excuse talk you into skipping your session so that you did not have to feel the feeling of overwhelm. In the end, you traded overwhelm for regret plus gained extra negative self-talk from not following through on your plan.
Does this sound familiar?
I tell this story because as we are trying to make changes...
...Our brains will try very hard to come up with believable excuses.
This is why your REASON for change has to be so strong that it trumps any excuses that could easily be used.
With any change, we tend to experience extra strong emotions that are often negative. Being prepared to experience these emotions will keep you one step ahead in order to stay on track.
When my clients tell me of the strong negative feelings that are coming up all of a sudden after a few weeks of enjoying an easy-to-manage mind, I congratulate them. This means that change is happening at the CORE!
If you are considering making a change because you think you SHOULD… Proceed with caution.
“Should statements” fall into the thought distortion category.
When we think we “should” do something, we believe that by saying it out loud, we are convincing ourselves to change. This could backfire with a vengeance.
If you proceed because you think you should, your reason for change will not be compelling enough.
You will rely on willpower to dodge the negative emotions and excuses until your willpower exhausts. Then you will find yourself in the relapse cycle.
When you do this, you are not learning how to allow negative feelings in. If you learn to allow yourself to feel the negative feelings, you will never need to use willpower. This is transformation from the inside out.
Finally, if you move forward toward change with no good reason, and you fail - your relationship with yourself will continue to dwindle. You will continue to create negative thoughts toward yourself, and you may even start to believe them.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself.
Perhaps, you are not committed to changing right now. It could be that you are just not ready to embark on a new journey immediately.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
Your epic reason for change will surface if change is truly desired. But, until it does: appreciate where you are right now…
Where you are right now may be pretty awesome!
Exercise for Internal Results
Today, I wanted to share a little bit about my exercise journey. Hope you enjoy.
I would get so excited every time my exercise assignment came via email. I reviewed the new material from my fitness coach. Only 5 days of cardio this week… I wonder why she cut me back? The 5 days of strength training had a lot of focus on my glutes. I guess I need to gain some muscle and lose fat? I laced up my tennis shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. My reflection looking back at me didn’t look happy.
What was I doing to myself?
Exercise has always been a big part of my life. Early on, my family spent most Sundays going on a 4 mile walk around Lake Scranton. To this day, I still love to walk. My husband Mark and I take the girls out for a walk around the neighborhood multiple times a week.
But Exercise took on a new meaning in high school, when unhealthy exercise behaviors started. I was bigger than all of my friends. I did not embrace the fact that I was an athlete. Nonetheless, I was on a mission to lose 20 pounds. To this day, I have no idea where the number 20 came from. I did lose those 20 pounds, but gained a whole lot of other issues.
I was exercising so much that I believed this was the only way I could maintain my 20-pound weight loss. I developed acne and my period stopped. I would wake up early so that I could get my 5 mile walk in for the day; I was only a senior in high school. Exercise became unhealthy and started to interfere with fun activities that I should have been enjoying.
I was recruited to play college softball, and I attended on scholarship. My softball game had changed with the weight loss; I was not the power hitter I once was. Unhappy, lonely, and hungry, I started my college career. I gained back 20 pounds plus an additional 15 despite intense daily physical activity. My confidence was damaged.
My trend was to gain and lose 20 pounds per year for my entire college experience. I had my summer weight loss protocol down pat. As soon as I would get home, it would all begin. I knew exactly how long it would take to reach my goal and I had to start immediately. I followed a version of the zone diet and my exercise would include cardio and strength training. I never focused on how I felt. I didn’t care if I was overtraining. I had a goal.
Looking back on this experience, I want to love myself even more. Why did I punish myself instead for so long? Instead of enjoying my late teens and early 20s, I became hypercritical of my body and developed unhealthy exercise habits. Exercise was to obtain an external result. Period.
I have some good news. I was able to remedy all of this.
My relationship with myself is strong, I have self confidence like never before, and I use exercise to feel good. I no longer view exercise as a way to change the look of my body; I use it as a way to move and feel alive. I want to enhance my health and mood, not burn calories and get more well defined shoulders.
I want to give you a little push to consider your relationship with exercise. It’s yet another way to take care of yourself.
How to Improve Our Relationships
Often, we spend so much energy being upset by the words and/or actions of other people. We are upset because we think that what they did or said is in direct response to us.
So what does this say about us?
Are we flawed? Did we do something wrong? Are we just not good enough?
Sometimes how we judge the quality of our day is dependent on external feedback. But - what If we could dig deep and rely on ourselves to decide how our day will go? If we decide to have a good day most days… days turn into weeks… weeks turn into years… and suddenly we had an amazing year.
The truth is…we can decide our reality.
I want to challenge you to always consider an alternative explanation. One that makes us feel empowered, for example.
I would like to highlight 5 key relationships paired with a common scenario that could occur. I will then offer two different explanations. As you read, I encourage you to relate to these situations and decide which explanation you would rather adopt.
Relationship #1… Your Boss.
Scenario: You are the director of resident wellness at your institution. You are in your annual performance review meeting with your boss. As usual, you receive rave reviews from the residents. Your boss then says, “There is something I would like to talk with you about.” She then proceeds to tell you that she is going to bring on another individual to split your role as director. Instead, you will now carry the title co-director.
What is your initial reaction? Which explanation do you choose?
Explanation #1. I am not doing a good job. My boss thinks that I cannot handle my position alone. I am weak. She thinks that I need help. Who complained about me? Am I the reason for resident physician burnout?
Or
Explanation #2. My boss sees my future at this institution. She knows that resident wellness requires a huge task force. She wants to make sure that I don’t burn out.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling as though you have failed, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling encouraged. The beauty is that you get to decide how you want to feel.
Do you see the power in your thoughts? Initially, it will take some effort to generate a second explanation because our brain is programmed to respond in a certain way based on experience.
Relationship #2… Your Spouse.
Scenario: Your husband/wife comments on how beautiful your friend Sally dresses. He/she goes on to talk about every little detail of Sally’s pristine clothes. Where does she shop? Does she have a stylist? He/she then suggests that you should take a shopping trip.
Explanation #1. My spouse has a “thing” for Sally. He/she thinks that Sally’s clothes are much nicer than mine. He/she even suggested that I go shopping immediately. I am inadequate. I don’t dress nice. I have major problems in my relationship.
Or
Explanation #2. My spouse appreciates beautiful things. Sally did look exquisite this evening. My spouse compliments me on my clothes all of the time. He knows that I appreciate fashion and like to look my best. He wants me to go shopping so I can continue to feel good about myself by dressing stylishly.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling inferior, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling thankful. It is important to recognize that by having self-confidence, explanation #2 will be much more believable.
Self-confidence comes from within, and it can be improved by continuing to choose empowering thoughts for ourselves.
Relationship #3… Your Child.
Scenario: You tell your 5-year old son/daughter that they are all done with electronics for today. If he/she behaves, then they can earn iPad time tomorrow. He/she gets violently upset and says, “UGGGGGHHHHH… I hate myself.”
Explanation #1. I have failed as a parent. How can my sweet, innocent 5-year old have such poor self-esteem? What have I done or not done as a parent? Maybe they know deep down that I don’t like myself and this shows in the way I parent. I have scarred my child for life.
Or
Explanation #2. My child is upset. He/she would play the iPad all day every day if allowed. Not to mention, the dopamine crash when stopping the electronics is real. My child’s reaction has nothing to do with me as a parent. He/she could be trying to get a reaction out of me. It is my responsibility to set boundaries and talk to my child about how he/she is feeling.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling upset, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling understanding.
Relationship #4… A Friend.
Scenario: You and your friend, Hannah, text message every day. It has become something that you look forward to. Over the past couple of days, Hannah has responded to your text messages with one-word answers. You don’t feel that she is engaging in conversation.
Explanation #1. You think that you did something to upset Hannah. Whatever you did must have been pretty bad. You start to wonder why you cannot seem to keep relationships. Why do you always seem to disappoint people?
Or
Explanation #2. Hannah usually has many work deadlines. Typically, when we do not communicate as much, she is under a lot of stress at work. Hannah is a hard worker, and she knows that I am always here for her as a friend.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling discouraged, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling more content.
Relationship #5… A Relative.
Scenario: You are at a family reunion and a great aunt comments on your hearty appetite. She says that she has never seen anyone enjoy food as much as you. She then goes on to talk about how she is not much of an eater.
Explanation #1. My aunt thinks that I am overweight. She thinks that I eat too much. She is judging me. Maybe she is right? Maybe I need to go on a diet?
Or
Explanation #2. My aunt is from a family where a hearty appetite is to be celebrated. She may be experiencing happy feelings inside because she is watching me enjoy my food. It is amazing how people differ in their appreciation for food and appetite.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling annoyed, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling open.
We create our own reality.
When we recognize our thought patterns we can start to view situations differently. By considering an alternative explanation, we can easily eliminate the victim role that we often find ourselves in. Instead, we can feel empowered.
So, let me ask you. What is so difficult about considering another possibility? Perhaps you aren’t able to believe your alternative explanation at first. But with patience and practice, tremendous progress can be made.
Don’t just settle on the first explanation that your brain suggests.
When you are ready… I welcome you to discover the endless explanations that exist. Over time, this will allow you to create the exact life that you want.
All just food for thought… but I do think this perspective can help so much when navigating relationships.
Sending all my love!!
Ali