Shaking Old Thinking Patterns About Weight and The Scale
I fell into an old thought pattern the other day. I received some information from my primary care doctor that included what the BMI chart claims my weight should be: a full 15 kilos less than what I currently weigh.
For data purposes, my current BMI falls just within “normal,” yet my doctor’s printout said that I was significantly overweight. To follow up my stance that muscular healthy bodies are going to be heavier, I had my body composition analysis completed. And as I suspected, my skeletal muscle mass is what drives my scale weight up. But, even with this information… I still couldn’t shake the idea that I was apparently 15kg overweight. And this is not pounds…this is kilos we are talking!
I found myself spiraling, letting the old thoughts and beliefs I used to hold about my weight take precedence over what I currently know to be true. When these old thoughts resurface, it’s so important to have the power tools in your arsenal to tackle them head-on.
So what is my point? Our brains categorically take inconsequential events and build these huge stories and narratives around them that may or may not be true. The best thing you can do about them is to recognize them for what they are, understand that you will have them, no matter what, and learn to reevaluate them so you can reframe your thoughts into better intentions.
I believe the most important part of developing new, healthier thought patterns is to have emotional self-care practices in place. One of the best ways to do this is to talk about, and set, boundaries - not just with the people in your life, but also with yourself.
I’d also recommend being aware of “should” statements. They’re limiting and restrictive and don’t often tell you what you actually need to do in your own personal circumstances. They’re also usually tied into your old thought patterns and beliefs - you know, the ones you’re trying to get rid of! For example…"I should weigh 15kg less," based on nothing scientific is not helpful.
I wanted to bring this up because the idea is to not get rid of the thoughts completely, but to develop power tools to address the thoughts that do not serve us. I thought this was a very good example of how my career is devoted to helping women with body acceptance and optimizing their genetic potential, yet I forgot about this for a brief moment when an automatic negative thought took over.
Moral of the story… we are all human.
Sending you love and comfort and normalizing the old beliefs that will resurface from time to time.
Reevaluating Our Relationships
When the pandemic hit, my husband Dr. Mark and I knew we had to sit down and re-evaluate our relationship and the hats we wore. Living and working in the same house proved to be more challenging than we’d initially expected. We both found ourselves pushing boundaries.
It’s still a work-in-progress, but Mark and I opened the conversations that needed to happen so we could get our relationship and happiness back. We knew we needed to establish our goals in our relationship and as parents, but first, we needed to figure out our individual goals.
By setting our individual goals, we were able to fit them into our shared goals easier. What’s worked for us is setting aside time to discuss each of the different hats we wear; for example, if we’re on a walk, we dedicate one topic per lap. It’s all about finding what works for you.
Support Your Partner/Close Friends, Especially When Things Are Hard
One of the things we’ve learned over the last two years is how to support each other as parents, too. Even though we have different parenting styles, we can still show up and ‘tap-in’ when we see the other struggling or needing a bit of extra alone time.
When things get difficult, as they do, especially when spending close to 24 hours together, we’ve found that remembering what originally drew us to each other is helpful. Going back to those early roots can help a relationship stay alive and loving.
Finally, it doesn’t have to always be about the outcome. I’ve noticed how Mark is making more of an effort in many different areas. I’m so excited to see how our relationship together, as parents, and as business owners continues to grow and evolve.
Don't be afraid to ask for support.
Showing Up For Yourself
How often do you find yourself setting a plan, whether that’s about your health and nutrition, bedtime, or even making a big purchase, but you feel pressured by other people to change it?
It’s normal for us to feel that societal pressure and honestly, it’s even normal to give in to it. But what happens if you don’t?
What happens if you ask yourself if by giving in, you’re not showing up for your future self?
Especially as people-pleasers, we think by saying yes to what other people ask us to do, even if it’s outside our plan for ourselves, it’s what they want. And if it’s what the other person wants, then it’s in our best interest to do it.
I totally understand that showing up for yourself is not always comfortable. It’s a new muscle that you haven’t trained yet, but it will get easier with time.
Standing in your own truth and your own power is the best thing you can do. Not just for you who is standing there in the moment, but for your future self who benefits from the action you’re taking.
By showing up for your future self, you’re putting yourself into a growth mindset. Nothing good happens in your comfort zone, but so many incredible things happen when you step out of it.
Sending you all my love friends… and please know that I too am practicing my life outside my comfort zone.
Could You Use Some More Space?
If you feel that you’re constantly giving to others and never have enough time, you need to make more space for yourself. You might have already started to do this. Either way, your health and happiness rely on this space.
Stay alert for the times when your brain tells you it’s okay to fill the space you just made. Remember, the more we fill the more we can do. Yet, if you fall into this way of thinking, the boundaries that you’ve set up to protect your wellbeing will crumble.
Start by getting clear on your priorities.
You only have so much time and energy. Make sure it’s well spent.
What Happens When You Have the Space You Need?
A number of wonderful things happen when you make the space you need for yourself.
Your creativity will flourish. The irony here is that the more you say no to certain things, the more productive you can actually be.
You’ll also learn to be more comfortable with your thoughts. We’re so conditioned to always be busy that just sitting and thinking has become a rare practice.
When we create the right space, magic follows. We get more creative. We allow ourselves to live without judgment. We discover truths about ourselves. We find new insight into how we show up.
XO,
Ali
Do More of What Works
Every single person has multiple roles they engage in every day. Partner, parent, child, sibling, employee, entrepreneur, volunteer… you get the idea. But what happens when you actually take the time to look at how these roles are serving you? And, more importantly maybe, how you’re serving them?
By breaking down three questions in the narrative of all the different hats you wear - for me specifically in this podcast episode, as a wife, as a parent, and as a coach - I can reevaluate how I best show up in these roles. Identifying what’s not working really does allow you to figure out what is working and how you can use the momentum from that to create space to do more of that.
What are those three questions?
- What’s working?
- What’s not working?
- What can I do more of?
Opening up to the other people who experience you in these roles helps with communication barriers, as well. By knowing more about yourself and what doesn’t work for you, you can openly talk about that, apologize if necessary, and come to mutual decisions about how to move forward.
Finally, knowing your ultimate goal helps this whole process. If you know where you want to end up, you can curate your approach to make it work even better. Doing more of what works will absolutely help you reach those long-term goals quicker.
Say Yes to Yourself
Saying “yes” to yourself is a revolution that will absolutely change your life. You will feel freer while, at the same time, more in control of your life than ever before. But conditioning makes it so much easier to deny what we really want.
A magical, wonderful thing happens when you start to honor yourself and say “yes” to your true desires. You gain confidence, happiness, and charisma… and when this happens, you’re less likely to seek external validation.
But not only that: people will feel compelled to agree with what *you* want because of how much you’re lighting up with it.
Being stuck in an endless cycle of denial and saying “no” to yourself will inevitably make life start to feel sticky.
I want you to look at what areas of your life feel this way so you can start identifying the barriers you have to honoring yourself.
So how do we even make it possible to say “yes” to ourselves? It starts with identifying those sticky spots and starting to understand the thoughts behind them. We know from previous work how our thoughts are not facts, so it really is about getting to the root of the thought models holding us in denial.
Once you’ve identified these thought models, you can start to feel and understand how they’re limiting you. We’re so conditioned to accept our “no” that transforming it to a “yes” feels impossible. But it’s not enough to just change your thoughts.
Let’s explore how to create more of the feeling saying “yes” brings you. Cultivating that feeling leads to you saying “yes” to yourself more often. And these practices lead to a healthier, happier, more authentic life.
How will you say “yes” to yourself today? What can you do today that is in the highest honor of yourself?
Have a listen to my podcast that is hot off the press… I dive deeper into this topic. You can listen HERE.
Put Down the Stale Halloween Candy
If you are like me, you know what a diet is. And, if you know what a diet is, then you are familiar with the many thoughts and feelings it can provoke.
The diet usually starts off on a positive note. We complete our shopping list and food prep with hope and excitement. We follow and believe in our new “lifestyle.” But over time, the shopping list looks longer, the food prep seems harder, and we are not making the progress that we think we should.
How do we navigate through this all? What is the answer?
You should probably sit down while I reveal this truth. The answer may be hard to accept because of what it implies. But, the answer lies within you.
You have all the tools to attain the food freedom that you desire.
This type of freedom is completely unique to you. This is not something that you can copy from your neighbor; that tactic won’t work long term.
Everyone has a reason for wanting to manipulate their food consumption. Some want to gain weight, some want to lose, and some want to attain the better health that is promised by certain foods.
If you believe that your reason is worth the trouble, then likely you will take major action to reach your goal. What if major action is more than following a scripted exercise and nutrition plan?
Lasting results will only be possible if you are ready to go to work mentally.
What do you want your results to be? Personally, I want to be strong with an optimal body composition while eating foods that I enjoy AND fuel my body. And even more important, I do not want to obsess over food. To get these lasting results, my thoughts have to be convincing.
These new thoughts have to be so powerful and believable that they can replace the old ones.
And remember, old habits are hard to break.
To develop your plan, you need to identify the foods that will nourish your body, and eat these foods “all of the time.” The other foods, eat “sometimes.” This is a description of the 80/20 rule. Let’s be honest, it could be 60/40, 90/10, 50/50, does it really matter? The point is that you are making an effort to eat healthy most of the time.
I won’t be talking about which foods to eat. You will pick those. But I do want to give some tips as you begin to create your forever “eat healthy most of the time” plan. Your “sometimes” foods may not be eaten as often as your “always” foods, but they are just as important. In fact, they may even be more important.
This is what you need to remember about your sometimes foods. If there were ever a time to splurge on good quality - this is it. If you are going to eat chocolate, eat the best chocolate. If you are going to drink wine, drink the best wine. If you are going to eat buttered bread, please eat it warm and crusty out of the oven. Eat it slow. Enjoy every bite. But for the love of, put down the old stale Twix bar… make sure that bad boy is fresh and fabulous.
Happy Halloween… and remember... get snobby with your candy.
Change is Hard
Let’s face it, change can feel DIFFICULT…
Sometimes IMPOSSIBLE...
There are many reasons for this. Oftentimes, the change we want to make is one that we have tried to accomplish before. Perhaps we were not successful, and -
We called it a failure with a Big F.
Failure can result in an underlying automatic thought that we don’t have what it takes to change. We don’t have the willpower. We don’t have the time. All of these negative thoughts promote negative feelings. It is near impossible to achieve a desired result running on a negative feeling.
Beside the negative thoughts of failed past experiences, we also have to deal with the never-ending excuses or justifications that our brain will tell us. Thoughts such as, “You had a hard day, you should drink the bottle of wine.” Or perhaps, “You exercised for 2 hours today, you earned 3 snickers bars.”
Our brain offers us excuses
with hopes that we will use them
…so we can avoid negative emotion.
Let me give an example. Let’s say that you are depleted from a long day at work and you are supposed to meet with your trainer for a workout in 30 minutes. The thought of working out makes you feel absolutely overwhelmed.
In this situation, your brain may suggest the excuse, “You are just pushing too hard, you need a break.” The excuse takes away the feeling of overwhelm in the moment. So, you decide that it is a good idea to cancel your workout. You call your trainer and cancel.
The next morning, after a good night’s rest, you experience major regret that you did not stick to your workout plan. You let your excuse talk you into skipping your session so that you did not have to feel the feeling of overwhelm. In the end, you traded overwhelm for regret plus gained extra negative self-talk from not following through on your plan.
Does this sound familiar?
I tell this story because as we are trying to make changes...
...Our brains will try very hard to come up with believable excuses.
This is why your REASON for change has to be so strong that it trumps any excuses that could easily be used.
With any change, we tend to experience extra strong emotions that are often negative. Being prepared to experience these emotions will keep you one step ahead in order to stay on track.
When my clients tell me of the strong negative feelings that are coming up all of a sudden after a few weeks of enjoying an easy-to-manage mind, I congratulate them. This means that change is happening at the CORE!
If you are considering making a change because you think you SHOULD… Proceed with caution.
“Should statements” fall into the thought distortion category.
When we think we “should” do something, we believe that by saying it out loud, we are convincing ourselves to change. This could backfire with a vengeance.
If you proceed because you think you should, your reason for change will not be compelling enough.
You will rely on willpower to dodge the negative emotions and excuses until your willpower exhausts. Then you will find yourself in the relapse cycle.
When you do this, you are not learning how to allow negative feelings in. If you learn to allow yourself to feel the negative feelings, you will never need to use willpower. This is transformation from the inside out.
Finally, if you move forward toward change with no good reason, and you fail - your relationship with yourself will continue to dwindle. You will continue to create negative thoughts toward yourself, and you may even start to believe them.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself.
Perhaps, you are not committed to changing right now. It could be that you are just not ready to embark on a new journey immediately.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
Your epic reason for change will surface if change is truly desired. But, until it does: appreciate where you are right now…
Where you are right now may be pretty awesome!
Exercise for Internal Results
Today, I wanted to share a little bit about my exercise journey. Hope you enjoy.
I would get so excited every time my exercise assignment came via email. I reviewed the new material from my fitness coach. Only 5 days of cardio this week… I wonder why she cut me back? The 5 days of strength training had a lot of focus on my glutes. I guess I need to gain some muscle and lose fat? I laced up my tennis shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. My reflection looking back at me didn’t look happy.
What was I doing to myself?
Exercise has always been a big part of my life. Early on, my family spent most Sundays going on a 4 mile walk around Lake Scranton. To this day, I still love to walk. My husband Mark and I take the girls out for a walk around the neighborhood multiple times a week.
But Exercise took on a new meaning in high school, when unhealthy exercise behaviors started. I was bigger than all of my friends. I did not embrace the fact that I was an athlete. Nonetheless, I was on a mission to lose 20 pounds. To this day, I have no idea where the number 20 came from. I did lose those 20 pounds, but gained a whole lot of other issues.
I was exercising so much that I believed this was the only way I could maintain my 20-pound weight loss. I developed acne and my period stopped. I would wake up early so that I could get my 5 mile walk in for the day; I was only a senior in high school. Exercise became unhealthy and started to interfere with fun activities that I should have been enjoying.
I was recruited to play college softball, and I attended on scholarship. My softball game had changed with the weight loss; I was not the power hitter I once was. Unhappy, lonely, and hungry, I started my college career. I gained back 20 pounds plus an additional 15 despite intense daily physical activity. My confidence was damaged.
My trend was to gain and lose 20 pounds per year for my entire college experience. I had my summer weight loss protocol down pat. As soon as I would get home, it would all begin. I knew exactly how long it would take to reach my goal and I had to start immediately. I followed a version of the zone diet and my exercise would include cardio and strength training. I never focused on how I felt. I didn’t care if I was overtraining. I had a goal.
Looking back on this experience, I want to love myself even more. Why did I punish myself instead for so long? Instead of enjoying my late teens and early 20s, I became hypercritical of my body and developed unhealthy exercise habits. Exercise was to obtain an external result. Period.
I have some good news. I was able to remedy all of this.
My relationship with myself is strong, I have self confidence like never before, and I use exercise to feel good. I no longer view exercise as a way to change the look of my body; I use it as a way to move and feel alive. I want to enhance my health and mood, not burn calories and get more well defined shoulders.
I want to give you a little push to consider your relationship with exercise. It’s yet another way to take care of yourself.
How to Improve Our Relationships
Often, we spend so much energy being upset by the words and/or actions of other people. We are upset because we think that what they did or said is in direct response to us.
So what does this say about us?
Are we flawed? Did we do something wrong? Are we just not good enough?
Sometimes how we judge the quality of our day is dependent on external feedback. But - what If we could dig deep and rely on ourselves to decide how our day will go? If we decide to have a good day most days… days turn into weeks… weeks turn into years… and suddenly we had an amazing year.
The truth is…we can decide our reality.
I want to challenge you to always consider an alternative explanation. One that makes us feel empowered, for example.
I would like to highlight 5 key relationships paired with a common scenario that could occur. I will then offer two different explanations. As you read, I encourage you to relate to these situations and decide which explanation you would rather adopt.
Relationship #1… Your Boss.
Scenario: You are the director of resident wellness at your institution. You are in your annual performance review meeting with your boss. As usual, you receive rave reviews from the residents. Your boss then says, “There is something I would like to talk with you about.” She then proceeds to tell you that she is going to bring on another individual to split your role as director. Instead, you will now carry the title co-director.
What is your initial reaction? Which explanation do you choose?
Explanation #1. I am not doing a good job. My boss thinks that I cannot handle my position alone. I am weak. She thinks that I need help. Who complained about me? Am I the reason for resident physician burnout?
Or
Explanation #2. My boss sees my future at this institution. She knows that resident wellness requires a huge task force. She wants to make sure that I don’t burn out.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling as though you have failed, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling encouraged. The beauty is that you get to decide how you want to feel.
Do you see the power in your thoughts? Initially, it will take some effort to generate a second explanation because our brain is programmed to respond in a certain way based on experience.
Relationship #2… Your Spouse.
Scenario: Your husband/wife comments on how beautiful your friend Sally dresses. He/she goes on to talk about every little detail of Sally’s pristine clothes. Where does she shop? Does she have a stylist? He/she then suggests that you should take a shopping trip.
Explanation #1. My spouse has a “thing” for Sally. He/she thinks that Sally’s clothes are much nicer than mine. He/she even suggested that I go shopping immediately. I am inadequate. I don’t dress nice. I have major problems in my relationship.
Or
Explanation #2. My spouse appreciates beautiful things. Sally did look exquisite this evening. My spouse compliments me on my clothes all of the time. He knows that I appreciate fashion and like to look my best. He wants me to go shopping so I can continue to feel good about myself by dressing stylishly.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling inferior, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling thankful. It is important to recognize that by having self-confidence, explanation #2 will be much more believable.
Self-confidence comes from within, and it can be improved by continuing to choose empowering thoughts for ourselves.
Relationship #3… Your Child.
Scenario: You tell your 5-year old son/daughter that they are all done with electronics for today. If he/she behaves, then they can earn iPad time tomorrow. He/she gets violently upset and says, “UGGGGGHHHHH… I hate myself.”
Explanation #1. I have failed as a parent. How can my sweet, innocent 5-year old have such poor self-esteem? What have I done or not done as a parent? Maybe they know deep down that I don’t like myself and this shows in the way I parent. I have scarred my child for life.
Or
Explanation #2. My child is upset. He/she would play the iPad all day every day if allowed. Not to mention, the dopamine crash when stopping the electronics is real. My child’s reaction has nothing to do with me as a parent. He/she could be trying to get a reaction out of me. It is my responsibility to set boundaries and talk to my child about how he/she is feeling.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling upset, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling understanding.
Relationship #4… A Friend.
Scenario: You and your friend, Hannah, text message every day. It has become something that you look forward to. Over the past couple of days, Hannah has responded to your text messages with one-word answers. You don’t feel that she is engaging in conversation.
Explanation #1. You think that you did something to upset Hannah. Whatever you did must have been pretty bad. You start to wonder why you cannot seem to keep relationships. Why do you always seem to disappoint people?
Or
Explanation #2. Hannah usually has many work deadlines. Typically, when we do not communicate as much, she is under a lot of stress at work. Hannah is a hard worker, and she knows that I am always here for her as a friend.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling discouraged, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling more content.
Relationship #5… A Relative.
Scenario: You are at a family reunion and a great aunt comments on your hearty appetite. She says that she has never seen anyone enjoy food as much as you. She then goes on to talk about how she is not much of an eater.
Explanation #1. My aunt thinks that I am overweight. She thinks that I eat too much. She is judging me. Maybe she is right? Maybe I need to go on a diet?
Or
Explanation #2. My aunt is from a family where a hearty appetite is to be celebrated. She may be experiencing happy feelings inside because she is watching me enjoy my food. It is amazing how people differ in their appreciation for food and appetite.
Explanation #1 could leave you feeling annoyed, while explanation #2 could leave you feeling open.
We create our own reality.
When we recognize our thought patterns we can start to view situations differently. By considering an alternative explanation, we can easily eliminate the victim role that we often find ourselves in. Instead, we can feel empowered.
So, let me ask you. What is so difficult about considering another possibility? Perhaps you aren’t able to believe your alternative explanation at first. But with patience and practice, tremendous progress can be made.
Don’t just settle on the first explanation that your brain suggests.
When you are ready… I welcome you to discover the endless explanations that exist. Over time, this will allow you to create the exact life that you want.
All just food for thought… but I do think this perspective can help so much when navigating relationships.
Sending all my love!!
Ali
Ice Water in Your Veins?
I wanted to share this story with you….
Have you ever felt so cold? I mean bone-chilling cold. I don’t mean the same kind of cold that northern winters can leave you feeling. I am talking about working in a hospital that is climate-controlled and you are undoubtedly shivering.
I still remember my first day on the job as a neonatology fellow. I was anxiously walking to the operating room to attend the delivery of a 25-week infant. As my teeth chattered, I assured my chief fellow that I was ready to lead the resident and nurse practitioner team.
Fortunately, I had completed an excellent residency program that included extra NICU time. I had been trained by physicians who had me ready to hit the ground running at the start of fellowship. I channeled the “icy cold feeling” to fuel my focus and delegate responsibilities to my team. It was a perfectly executed resuscitation, and the infant was stabilized in the unit within the hour.
As the year went on, it never failed me. I could predict the exact sequence of how my body would respond with a *911 beeper page. I soon became excited when the shivering began because I knew that physiologically my body was ready to handle the situation. My adrenaline was speaking to me.
Call me a junkie, but I began to love my adrenaline surges.
I also loved to feel the adrenaline dissipate. This seemed to happen just seconds before the baby was born. When the baby was actually in my care, I felt calm and determined to provide the best outcome for my patient. This exact pattern has continued years later.
When I think back to my training days, my mind always takes me to the early 3am mornings in the NICU. Usually I was at the bedside of a sick baby. I was ALWAYS surrounded by a team that I felt so proud to be part of. I feel so incredibly grateful that I have been able to use my skills to help the smallest people.
I love caring for the parents of my tiny patients. I often wish they could hear my thoughts. If they could, I would hope to comfort them in my deep-seated passion to give the best care to their baby.
When I reflect on earlier years, I can also remember feeling cold at times during my college softball career. One particular time, I was a freshman and sitting on the bench. We were playing Villanova in a semi final game - the winner would compete against Notre Dame in the Big East Championship.
The bases were loaded, and I heard my name being called to pinch hit. I grabbed my helmet and bat, and I can remember that I hesitated to take my warm-up jacket off because I was freezing. But I took it off and stepped up to the plate. At the plate, I remember feeling warm. I watched the first pitch come right down the middle - STRIKE 1. The next pitch looked exactly the same, but this time I swung.
I can remember watching the ball soar over the centerfield fence. I hit a grand slam to place Seton Hall into the championship game. I rounded the bases at an extra slow pace to take it all in. I gazed down the first baseline to see the first doctor I ever met, my father, cheering proudly from his usual spot along the fence.
As a child, my father always told me, “Kid, You’ve got ice in your veins.” As an internist working out of our home in the country, Bernard Remakus, MD has devoted his career to house calls. He often accepts homemade pies as payment. He started it all for me. In times of crisis, I’ve seen him transform into a bone-chilling hero. I witnessed how the ice in his veins changed lives by doing heroic things with no equipment at times. He taught me to embrace the ice in my veins.
All too often, adrenaline surges carry negative connotations.
How many times have you heard a colleague reflect on a challenging situation in which they reacted by “freezing?” Adrenaline is adrenaline, but our reaction is up to us.
During my medical training, I don’t recall spending time processing my feelings. Unknowingly, I had suppressed so many emotions for years. But why? What if we admitted that our body physiologically responds the same way as other humans? After all, there is no failure in admitting that we are not superhuman.
Today I challenge you. Embrace your emotions - all of them. Pay attention to what your feelings create in your life. Spend time reflecting and discover your trends. We all favor certain emotions. It took me almost 20 years to realize, but apparently feeling cold serves me well.
Stay Warm or Cold… whatever serves you best!!
I’m Afraid They Can’t Tell
This past week, a lot of parenting conversations came up in my coaching groups… so I wanted to share some of my own reflections.
It was Friday night. Mark and I were sitting out back feeling the calm breeze running across our cheeks. It felt like we were at the ocean. It is times like these, that we often reflect on where we are, where we are going, and all the in between.
I shared that I was ready to make some improvements. First, I recognized that I needed to stop the love affair that I was having with my phone. Seriously. The phone needs to not be an active member of our family. It makes me sad to think that my kids have to compete with an electronic device.
As I came up with my plan on how to dramatically decrease my phone use, my thoughts traveled deeper. I acknowledged that time feels as though it is racing at the speed of light. How is my baby almost 7; wasn’t she just born?
I began to think about what is most important to me. Where do I want to devote my efforts? It is clear that my family is my top priority. Every decision involves how it will affect Mark and the girls. I made a huge career move a couple of years back to better our family life. I will continue to make adjustments in order to give them the best of me.
My brain automatically started to think about some past decisions. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten upset over the obligatory pasta sauce on white pants hug. Maybe I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Maybe I should have phrased my sentence differently. Should I have held them more? Did I start solids too soon? Do my girls know that I love them with everything I have? What if they don’t feel this?
I came out of my daze and said to Mark, “I’m afraid they can’t tell.” He laughed and asked me to elaborate. I explained how I want the girls to feel unconditional love. I want them to feel confident enough to take a big leap of faith, knowing that I have their back. I want them to feel that any burden they may bear, is mine, too. Every heartache they feel is mine, too. Every joy is mine. Can they feel this?
“I’m afraid they can’t tell” is a thought that I automatically generated. It left me feeling uneasy. So, I began to think about all of the evidence that supported the idea that my girls can tell. The fact that both girls are completely honest with me, suggests confidence and trust in our relationship. But, here is the reality. I cannot control how they feel.
Think about this. If we let go of the idea that we can control how others feel, then we will save ourselves a lot of stress and anxiety. Our focus can then be shifted toward working on ourselves. Showing up as our best self is all we can really do. How this is interpreted by others is really out of our control. Please note - this concept applies to children, too!
I am shifting my focus to being the best mom I can. I want to put the phone down. I want to be present and engaged and fun. I want to be spontaneous and create excitement and joy. I want to be the mom that is not afraid to cry in front of her kids because this will inevitably lead to questions. And… questions are good. We can support our kids through their emotions so that they can develop healthy coping mechanisms.
The day I became a mom, my world changed. Being a mom is what I value most. I am not perfect, but I want to be the best that I can be. I can’t control my girls’ feelings. But, I can teach them to embrace their feelings. I can teach them to show up as their best selves so that they can be positive rays of light, intermixed with the infinite number of feelings that they will never be able to control.
Cheers to 13 Amazing Years
Tomorrow, my husband Mark and I celebrate 13 years… and I wanted to share our early Love Story with you all.
The first week of medical school in August of 2002, we had a class outing at Dave and Buster’s in downtown Philadelphia. At this bar, I met him. Little did I know that I would get to keep him - FOREVER.
We spent time in a group setting for the first few months, and by Thanksgiving we were inseparable. Many people had speculations regarding our relationship, but the truth is that we were best friends. It all felt so easy and natural. I attributed this to Mark’s laid back nature.
Then something crazy happened. Mind blowing really. I had a realization that I was head over heels in love. The thought went something like this, “If he meets someone who becomes his girlfriend, I will be absolutely devastated.” I made the choice to confess my love to him.
Just after our first year of medical school was completed, I decided that I would tell him how I felt. This seemed outrageously bold to even consider. I was the girl who was friends with all of the boys. Truth be told, I never had an actual boyfriend in the romantic sense.
I remember our exact conversation. My stomach still has butterflies when I relive the moment. I said, “I am in love with you. But, if you don’t love me back, then I will need space from you. I can’t JUST be your friend anymore.”
Those clear blue twinkling eyes looked right in mine. They looked confused with a bit of regret. He said, “I want to JUST be your friend. Nothing more.”
I held it together long enough to get into my car and drive away. I had set a boundary. I realize now that this was an act of self-preservation.
I drove 3 hours to my childhood home. I cried… a lot. I planned to spend the rest of the summer away from him. I would use this time to heal from the rejection that I felt. I wish I knew then that I was 100% responsible for feeling rejected.
I’m smiling as I write this because what I would have wanted to feel in this situation was proud. But, if I wanted to feel proud, then I would have had to think, “Damn girl. Good for you! You took a chance on love. You were vulnerable. You set a good boundary for yourself.”
Now, are you ready for the best news ever? My vulnerability inspired Mark to take a chance. Two weeks later he called to tell me that he was getting in the car to visit me - immediately. I warned him not to, but he did anyway.
The anticipation of this visit was interesting. All of the thoughts left me with a deep-seated confusion. I set the boundary, why was he breaking it? Why did I let him? I watched for the grey Honda Civic all afternoon.
The car pulled in the driveway. I can’t remember feeling anything. But, I remember hearing everything. He said, “Ali, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I seriously laughed out loud. How can this be?
We often talk about the beginning of us. I had assumed that he did not want to be my boyfriend because I wasn’t enough. Period. Isn’t it interesting when you ask for the actual answers to your questions? We are often way off.
So why didn’t he want to be my boyfriend? In Mark’s words, he didn’t want to be my boyfriend or even JUST my friend, he wanted to be my husband. When he decided to date me, he really decided to marry me.
Isn’t it ironic that it rained on our wedding day? Would Alanis Morissette be surprised that I couldn’t have cared less? My dad was my wedding planner, and he threw an amazing party. I didn’t care about the details… except one. I was marrying the man of my dreams.
Tomorrow we celebrate our 13yr. anniversary. How did the time go so fast?
Thank you for letting me share. I love telling this story and reading it back. Sometimes we need to recreate the magic… this seems like a perfect day to do that.
Does Everyone Need Something From You?
Believing that everyone needs something from us is a very common thought. This is probably one of the top complaints that I hear from female physicians. In our profession, we seem to always be giving to everyone. We take care of our patients, our staff, our families, and our friends. It’s only natural that we feel stretched thin.
I don’t know about you, but when I think that everybody wants or needs something from me, it makes me feel burnt out and unworthy. Because if I believe that everybody is around me just because I can do something for them, I start to think, “I’m not enough. I need to do something for someone to prove my worth.”
So when we’re feeling unworthy, what comes up? Typically, it takes us down a negative spiral. We start thinking about all of the inadequacies we have in our life. We think, “Do my relationships even mean anything at all?” The result is that we continue to believe we always have to be serving and giving.
So how do we recognize that this is happening? How do we reflect on it and move forward? How do we start setting and owning boundaries?
Why It’s So Hard to Set Boundaries
First of all, many of us don’t even know what a boundary actually is. Boundaries are a verbalized contract between two people. And if they’re a contract, they serve as protection. Setting a boundary protects a relationship - whether that be a friendship, marriage, parenthood, pet ownership, work relationships, or other family relationships.
So why don’t we set more boundaries if they’re going to protect us? We don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. We don’t want to make people feel bad by telling them no. But the truth is that if we don’t communicate our boundaries to other people, in the long run, it’ll just damage the relationship by leading to resentment and disappointment.
Each party in a relationship sets an expectation for the other party. Without boundaries, these expectations go unspoken and unmet. Without communication, everybody grows apart, rather than together.
How to Stop Thinking of Setting a Boundary as a Difficult Conversation
Think about somebody in your life who sets healthy boundaries. Do you resent them for communicating and standing up for what they want? Probably not. Chances are, you probably respect them. Maybe you even admire them.
When you can stand up for yourself and what you believe in, and you have the guts to verbalize it, you’ll also be somebody who is excellent at setting boundaries. We have to be proud of setting boundaries. It’s about internalizing what you want and what makes you feel comfortable within each hat that you wear.
The boundaries you set in each relationship will all be different. It’s with reflection ahead of time that you’ll decide how to show up and have the confidence to verbalize your boundaries. And ultimately, the thought of, “Everybody needs something from me,” won’t be so predominant anymore. Because when you set a boundary, you say, “This is exactly what you can expect from me.” It’s no longer about what others try to take from you; it’s about what you can give. Then there’s no ground for disappointment anymore.
Sending you love as you start to think about and set boundaries… it will be worth it.
The Top 5 Eating Habits That Destroy Body Confidence
& Why There Are No Good or Bad Foods, Only Bad Habits
By Ali Novitsky, M.D.
Life Coach for Women Physicians
Triple Board Certified in Neonatology, Pediatrics, and Obesity Medicine
Are you worried about what not to eat when you’re trying to lose weight? Are you still labeling foods as “good” or “bad” choices?
What if I told you that you can still eat all the foods you love and become fitter even if you don’t technically lose weight?
That’s right, you don’t have to eliminate foods you love for the sake of losing weight or feeling good in your body, you just have to become more mindful of how your body feels before and after eating and adjust accordingly.
If you’re used to trying diet after diet with no lasting results, focusing on mindful eating for weight loss sounds too simple, right?
The thing is it is simple, but it also works!
In this blog, I show you how small changes make a BIG difference in how confident you feel in your body.
Below are the top 5 daily eating habits that are silently sabotaging how you feel in your body:
1. Following Diet Plans That Aren’t Tailored to Your Body Type
Nothing is more frustrating than spending hundreds of dollars on a diet plan only for the weight to come right back and those expensive supplements to go to waste. But, when we take a prescribed plan that wasn’t meant for our specific body type and try to force it to work for us, it is sure to fail. That’s because everybody has different needs and a generic plan won’t work for everyone.
This is why, as a life and wellness coach for women physicians, I focus on developing individual body confidence, rather than trying to force our bodies to fit into the same molds. We all have different genetic make-ups and learning to work with your body instead of against it to set realistic body goals, will reduce frustration and stress.
The main problem is we don't trust what our bodies are telling us, or we aren’t listening. And when we don't we are cut off from the innate knowledge our body has to share with us about what it needs. A generic “get skinny quick” fad diet will never fit everyone’s unique, individual needs.
When we learn to eat for our body’s natural balance we start to see the results we want, rather than trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all diet plan that was never really achievable anyway.
2. Eating Too Much or Not Enough Caused By Lack of Awareness
Where are you on the restrictive eating spectrum?
There are two ways we self-sabotage our diet — one is by eating too much and the other is by not eating enough. Both of these destructive eating habits work against you because restricting what you eat is no healthier than overeating.
What’s usually the main culprit? Our emotions.
We tend to overeat when we are sad, indulging with friends on weekends, or procrastinating something that makes us anxious. We also tend to restrict our eating when we feel shame, embarrassment, or boredom. But we shouldn’t ignore our emotions either, they are there to teach us something.
So, if we can work on regulating our emotions we won’t have to worry so much about regulating our food.
3. Not Being Mindful About When and Why We Eat
Are you eating when you’re hungry or are you eating because of an emotional response to something?
Many of the women I train in my life coaching programs come in completely unaware of the reasons why and when they choose to eat each day. As busy physicians, it’s understandable why this happens when we are so busy running around, making rounds, and cramming meals or snacks whenever we can into our day.
When eating on the go, or not even sitting down to eat, becomes the norm, you become disconnected from your body. And when we are not connected to our bodies it puts us at risk for over and under-eating.
4. Not Paying Attention To What Your Body Is Telling You
Knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no” to eating can be one of our biggest challenges.
This article from Harvard Health, “What is Mindful Eating?,” also makes a great point, that often we are too distracted with the TV, electronics, or work to even notice how much or what we’re eating.
How can you pay attention to your body’s natural sensors when you aren’t paying tuned out?
For example, if you are on your phone or computer while eating a meal, you may be too detached from your body to even know you are full. This leads to overeating more than you need to be satisfied. Instead, you can learn to say “no” to another bite when you realize you’re full.
Mindful eating has many benefits, including not eating more than your body needs because you’ll notice sooner when you feel satisfied. This naturally helps with weight loss, as you tend to eat less when you are paying attention to your body’s cues for “I’m full” and “That’s enough” when you are more consciously watchful.
5. Restricting Foods You Love & Not Eating Mindfully
In my physician coaching programs for women, I don’t believe in cutting out foods you love, or restricting ingredients, because we don’t need to.
When you restrict food you love you feel deprived, which most often leads to overeating something later on. When you feel you missed out on something, you almost always find a way to make it up to yourself with a much higher calorie substitute later on.
But, if you follow the principles I based my group physician life coaching program, G.O.A.L.S. Society on, you can’t go wrong!
Here is what the first three letters stand for in G.O.A.L.S:
G = Get Hungry First
O = Observe for Fullness
A = Allow Feelings
See it’s really pretty simple — wait until you’re hungry then stop when you’re full. Feel the feelings that arise, but try not to eat to cope with them. If we are too busy or not tuning into our bodies, these signals are so easy to miss.
Once we start following our body’s natural cues, we start seeing results more easily.
These mindful eating techniques will help you lose weight and feel better in your body easily over time. Plus, they are also easy to implement. We JUST NEED TO DO THEM!
For example, the next time you head to the fridge, just ask yourself this simple question — “Am I actually hungry right now?” If not you may need to ask yourself if you are engaging in emotional eating, ie. eating out of boredom, stress, or avoidance of tasks. If the answer is you truly feel hungry — go for it! Just make sure to stop when you’re full.
Join your fellow women physicians for the ultimate whole-person wellness program and feel better in your body immediately!
Do You Ask For Help?
One of the things that has come up recently in my coaching groups is the concept that “Asking for Help is Hard.”
So, I thought today I would give you a real life example of how I sometimes avoid asking for help and what the result is. Read on.
Even though my husband Mark wants to help me, time and time again, I avoid asking him. Why? In my mind, I’m protecting him by not asking him to do something. Also, I’m not willing to give up the control of knowing that if I do it, it’s going to get done.
But by doing this, I’m not helping Mark. I’m setting myself up to resent Mark. In my mind, I’ve protected him, but I’m actually developing some irritation or resentment, because I’m thinking, “Why can’t he be doing this?”
I’m also enabling him. Because I can’t ask Mark for help, he’s more likely to rely on me. In return, I start to resent him for not knowing how to do it himself. And all of this has nothing to do with him.
So maybe by “protecting” other people, we’re really doing them a disservice. In fact, asking for help can really help the other person.
If you find it hard to ask for help, think about why. Does it lead to thoughts like, “I should be able to do this,” and “This shouldn’t be a big deal”? Often we think we’ll be weak if we can’t do it all. That it makes us not enough.
But what if you just started by asking for help with something small? Even just something like pairing the socks. You might be surprised with how well it goes. After you do that, you’ll gain comfort by asking for help. It’ll make you feel empowered, not weak.
It’ll create a sense of partnership, equality, and positivity in your relationships. Because part of relationship-building is give and take. And it helps your loved ones feel more comfortable asking for help when they need it. By asking for help, you set an example and inspire others to do the same.
Nobody’s a mind reader. In order for somebody to help you how you want to be helped, you have to be ready to have conversations.
For example, I recently started working with a new coach. It became immediately evident that we have very different styles. It made me uncomfortable. So I had to do something brave: I had to have a conversation. I had to ask what his vision was and be honest that I didn’t believe we see eye to eye.
It was a straightforward conversation with a lot of silence and pauses. But it grew our ability to work together more. When we met each other halfway, the magic started flowing. We both had to be patient with each other, do the mature thing, and come together.
My thought of, “Nobody can do it right. I have to do it myself,” came up in the situation. I could have stayed there. But I realized it wouldn’t be helpful to me or the people I serve to do so. I wanted to grow. And to grow, you have to let go. For me, letting go is getting rid of the desire for control. It’s communicating to work toward a mutual goal.
The conversation is hard. We don’t want to hurt people. We don’t want to create discomfort. But if we’re willing to be open in conversation, we can achieve so much.
If you need more help in your life, what’s holding you back? If you can get past this obstacle and ask for help, what could your life look like? What if you were willing to watch somebody else do the task instead of you? What if you gave them that trust? What if it worked out?
Ponder. Let us know your thoughts!!
Want to Understand Macros?
We have received several emails over the past month asking for more info on calculating macros. So, I thought I would share this broad overview with you.
The Three Macronutrients
The three macronutrients are protein, carbohydrate, and fat. Generally, calculating macros requires a balanced diet with all three macronutrients. That being said, if you’re following keto or low-carb, you can still calculate your macros but you’ll be using different percentages.
The Broad Picture
We all have a Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE), which includes our basal metabolic rate (the calories our body burns just by being itself), the thermic effect of food (which accounts for about 10% of our TDEE), and exercise and activity (about 15 to 30% of our TDEE). This is why exercise isn’t the number one way to create a calorie deficit.
Protein
Protein helps so many different things in our body, like the growth of muscle and skin. When you combine protein with carbohydrates and fat, you’ll be able to blunt your insulin response. That means that eating protein helps your blood sugar stay more stable than if you just eat carbohydrates. Often when we don’t get enough protein, especially if we’re engaging in lots of exercise, we’ll experience hunger and even cravings.
Carbohydrates
Carbohydrates are our body’s quick and slow energy. Many people think carbohydrates make us gain weight, but in order to make a body composition change, you’ll need to put a good amount of demand on your body. Moving and stressing your muscles is necessary for body composition change. And to have enough energy to put in the work, you’ll need fuel. Carbohydrates give us that fuel.
If you’re diabetic, pre-diabetic, or have insulin resistance, you can absolutely still include carbohydrates in your macros. It’ll require more of a low-carbohydrate diet than a no-carbohydrate diet, and you’ll still be able to get all the benefits you need from those carbohydrates. And note that strength training can actually improve our insulin sensitivity so we’re simultaneously making amazing changes while improving our health parameters.
If we eat the right carbohydrates, we’ll get lots of good stuff, like fiber and B-vitamins. It’s about looking at food as medicine and fuel rather than as “bad foods.” Processed carbohydrates aren’t as healthy for us, but many of them can do good things for us.
Fat
“Fat” is not most people’s favorite word, and it was especially the enemy in the late 80s and 90s. But fat is so necessary. Poly- and monounsaturated fats are considered good, and you want to stay away from saturated and trans fats, even if you’re doing low-carb high-fat.
Saturated fats have been shown to increase hemoglobin A1C in people who are doing low-carb dieting. It has a lot to do with genetics, but it is a phenomenon. To reverse this, it’s important to make sure your fats are coming from healthy sources.
Fat supports hormones, which control everything. Somebody who over-exercises and drops body fat may stop menstruating, and their hormone levels can be off. Often there is an issue with the amount of dietary fat they’re eating.
Fat also supports healthy tissues and lets us have nice skin and shiny hair. Fat has the lowest glycemic load of the three macronutrients, which slows the absorption of protein and carbohydrates, allowing us to blunt the insulin response when we eat a balanced meal.
Counting Macros
There is a protocol called If It Fits Your Macros that tells you anything is fair game as long as you stick to your chosen macronutrient ratios. But I like to focus on optimal health, with more of an emphasis on nutritious foods. These are what I call all-the-time foods (note: not bad foods!), which feel really good in our body and serve us really well. In contrast, “sometimes foods” are more processed but taste good - and you don’t have to stop eating them. The idea is you can fit all these foods in macros if you’re calculating them.
If you have somebody calculate your macros, they’ll usually give you percentages. One very balanced way to do it is 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein, and 30% fat (also known as the Zone diet). These percentages are calculated from your Total Daily Energy Expenditure.
Another option is to eat one gram of protein for every pound of lean body mass you have. From there, you keep fat at about 30% and carbohydrates make up the rest. It’s really just about doing the math. The important part is that after you get a jumping-off point, you observe and see what’s happening.
Macros Aren’t for Everybody
Counting macros may sound great, but it requires weighing, measuring, and food prepping your food. It can get pretty tedious, which may not make you want to do it long-term. I certainly don’t. So a couple of years ago, I invented a program called Mindful Macros which allows you to eyeball and estimate how much of each food to eat to make up a balanced meal. It’s turned out to be very effective, especially for body transformation and quality of life.
Following our intuition, knowing when we’re hungry, and stopping when we’re full, combined with Mindful Macros, is very appropriate for those of us who aren’t looking to compete on a stage. People like me, who have a family, a business - a lot going on. For me, flexibility is the most important. I rely on my intuition, hunger scale, and eyeballs. Together, these two approaches allow me to have an exciting, flexible, and free plan.
I’ve been following this for nearly eight years now, and I’ll never go back to calculating my macros every day. I love the flexibility. I’m within a healthy weight range and optimal healthy zone. I want freedom and results, so I meet myself halfway in the middle. It works for me.
I hope that this is helpful and gives you some great insight.
How To Notably Reduce Stress in Only 5 Mins. a Day
3 easy self-care tips for healthcare professionals to feel more peaceful and at ease, in the time it takes to brush your teeth!
By Ali Novitsky, M.D.
Life Coach for Women Physicians
Triple Board Certified in Neonatology, Pediatrics, and Obesity Medicine
Why “Self-Care” Is Not a Dirty Word
Does just hearing the word, “self-care,” irritate you?
I know it can be annoying, or even feel like an insult, when you are already at your max and don’t know how you could possibly have the time or energy to fit “me time” in.
But self-care for physicians is not about being selfish or taking time away from those you love, it’s about protecting your day-to-day health and the longevity of your career.
In the short term, self-care allows you to get through each day with more ease, flow, and peace.
Are you wondering . . .
What even is “self-care” anyway, and what is it really going to do for me? Is it even worth my time?
I completely understand the feeling that you are just doing your best to get through each day and that adding one more thing to your already packed to-do list seems impossible. But, if that’s how you feel, I promise that you need to practice daily self-care more than anyone.
But, “self-care” doesn’t mean expensive treatments or luxurious, blow-out spa days. It’s also not about drawing yourself a bubble bath or pouring yourself a generous glass of wine after work, although it can be!
Real self-care for healthcare professionals is about small daily habits that ease your mind and allow you to handle what comes your way while feeling grounded, centered, and calm.
In this article, I will show you just how simple it can be to release anxiety, pressure, and stress in just 5 minutes a day.
Why Don’t Doctors Take Time Out for Self-Care?
As physicians, we tend to overlook taking care of ourselves, being so focused on our care and concern for others. But, in a field where almost half of practicing doctors report physician burnout, you cannot afford NOT to make an effort to take care of yourself daily. Especially since it gives you the emotional resiliency to deal with whatever comes your way and helps you better navigate the challenging decisions and unique pressures you face as a busy female physician.
The irony is — the tougher things get and the busier we are as physicians, the more we need to make sure we take time out for small daily self-care practices.
However, it doesn’t take as long as you think to practice self-care. But, you do have to make it a priority. The question is, are you? Or do you make excuses like, “I don’t have time,” “It’s too expensive,” or “I just can’t focus on me right now, I have too much going on in my life.”
I know it feels like you don’t have the time or energy. I felt the same way before I became a physician coach myself and learned first hand how important mindset work is along with exercise in keeping ourselves healthy for the long run. But it doesn’t take as long as you think.
The benefits of mindful self-care for doctors are indisputable, as this article from everydayhealth.com states,
“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem,” says Brighid Courtney, of Boston, a client leader at the wellness technology company Wellable and a faculty member at the Wellness Council of America (WELCOA).”
So here are a few self-care helpers I’ve found to take the edge off of a stressful day . . .
3 Easy Ways to De-Stress and Gain Peace in Just 5 Mins. a Day
Set a Timer on Your Phone To Focus on Your Breathing for 5 Mins. a Day
The act of focusing on your breathing, and slowing your mind down, re-regulates your nervous system and allows you to lower your stress level. It also helps you focus and concentrate so you feel less overwhelmed.
Here is a short 5-minute exercise to reduce stress that you can do anywhere, with tips for how to get the most out of it.
So, go ahead, shut the door to your office, put up an “unavailable” sign, and dedicate 5 WHOLE minutes to feeling better the rest of the day. I give you full permission.
And if you don’t think that’s enough time to make a lasting change, studies show that just 5 minutes a day of mindful breathing can lower your blood pressure and boost performance, both of which prevent physician burnout.
2. Just Walk Outside (You Don’t Even Have to Go for a Walk!)
The benefits of nature on relieving depression and overwhelm have been proven time and again. Taking five minutes to leave the building, or take a break from the hospital chaos, even if it seems insignificant, will do wonders for your mental health.
According to this research, “An initial study of 123 university students found that participants who sat in an urban park for just five minutes showed significant increases in positive emotions compared to participants who sat in a windowless laboratory room.”
Nature is so fundamental to our health that It’s now even possible to write patients a prescription for park time as a way to improve their physical and mental health. How about that!
As Time Magazine reports, this is helping people to see that getting outdoors is just as essential to their well-being as their medications are. But, it’s equally important for you as a busy female physician. Don’t forget we have to take our own advice too.
3. Identify and Change Negative Self-Talk Habits with Mindfulness
Believe it or not, positive self-talk IS a form of self-care. We all have those self-critical thoughts as physicians, second-guessing even our most educated decisions, but when we don’t keep them in check, it’s easy to stay stuck in harmful thought patterns.
Check out this short article in Forbes with other ways to stay positive, including a gratitude journal, saying positive affirmations, and surrounding yourself with positive people.
According to this article, the National Science Foundation did research that shows that 80% of our thoughts are negative! Especially, as physicians, we tend to overthink everything — from our daily choices to patient care. It’s easy to see how that would easily spiral into an overwhelming sense of anxiety if left unchecked day in and day out.
Reducing negative self-talk can be as simple as identifying a worry-based thought and changing it to something softer. For example, the next time you hear yourself saying, “I should have done . . .” catch yourself and change it to, “I am always learning from my mistakes and I will approach it differently next time.”
These small tweaks, one thought at a time, are all it takes to start shifting to a healthier mindset that will keep you from burning out.
In my physician wellness coaching programs, I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) mindset coaching to help you overcome long-held negative thought patterns. Because I know that our mindset affects EVERYTHING we do and the quality of our professional and home lives. And we often don’t address it or go years without being aware of how we really feel because we are so busy.
But it’s just as important to keep our mental health strong as it is to keep our bodies healthy.
As a practicing physician and life coach for women, I understand that we don’t have a lot of extra time in the day.
That’s why I’ve created a streamlined physician wellness program tailored just for you!
G.O.A.L.S. Society, my monthly physician coaching program for women, is based on science, so you get the maximum benefit in the least amount of time.
Our coaching calls and online workouts are available online anytime, so you can work them into your schedule whenever and wherever you want.
My goal is to reduce your stress, not add to it.
Come join our community of self-acceptance and positivity and see the kind of life-changing transformation it makes in your life.
Join a supportive group of fellow female physicians who understand.
The Day I Became A Normal Eater
What is normal eating, anyway?
The best way that I can define it is: eating when we are hungry, stopping when we are satisfied, and taking the emotional component out of it. This is exactly why the first 3 letters in my G.O.A.L.S. principles are Get Hungry First, Observe for Fullness, Allow Feelings.
And, while these principles sound simple… we often have difficulty implementing them because we just don’t trust them. Doesn’t this sound silly? We would rather trust some “diet plan” before we would our own body. Now, for many, following a prescribed plan is no big deal. But, for those of us who have ever been on a diet and have struggled; following someone else’s prescribed nutrition plan just isn’t going to work. Not long-term.
Those of us who do not have “normal eating” usually do 1 of 2 things (or both). They are either constantly restricting food, or they are saying yes to food most of the time. So, wherever you may fall on this spectrum, the idea is to find yourself in the middle. If you say “No” too often, then we actually need to say “Yes” more often. If you say “Yes” more often, then we need to learn how to respectively say “No.”
But if I say “yes,” won’t I gain weight? But if I say “no,” won’t I feel deprived?
The idea is that if we can live in the middle and become “normal eaters,” then we will say “yes” and “no” appropriately. And, by default - we will become less emotional eaters.
Now, if this is a new concept for you… then I must warn you. This will not happen overnight. You will need to play around with your “yes” and “no” functions in order to get it just right. If you are a restrictive eater, then it may be easy to potentially overdo it. If you are an emotional eater who says “yes” more often, then there is a possibility that you will say “no” a bit too much and feel restricted.
You see, no one can tell us exactly how to find our own normal eating. We just have to be curious and experiment. What does it take to actually move forward with this strategy? I can tell you that it takes a whole lot of trusting the process. But, ultimately, if we are able to normalize our eating, we will be able to enjoy contentment, joy, and freedom. Food will have less control over us.
You know when you make your best friend a care package. And, you think about him/her opening it and the delight they will feel. We believe that our friend will feel cared for. Well, imagine giving yourself the ultimate care package of listening to and honoring your body. Every time you make a food decision, you get to do that.
Whether it is saying “no” to extra bites because you are already full, or saying “yes” to the birthday cake at the party… the idea is that you become empowered to be the authority on your own health. And, when we feel empowered, we will continue to take actions that will honor our health.
Enjoy. Say “Yes”... Say “No”... Find your middle.
Have You Heard of The Yips?
I wanted to share something very personal that for years I couldn’t even talk about.
See - I never had a problem throwing a softball. In fact, I could hit the catcher’s target at home plate from far center field. My senior year in high school, I remember grabbing a ball at home plate and I was unable to hit my target at first base. It was subtle at first.
Then… it hit me like a ton of bricks. My first day as a college softball player. I received a full scholarship to play at Seton Hall University. I was in right field taking fielding practice. When the ball was hit to me, I stopped it… but I was unable to throw it. It was as if my wrist turned to stone. Then the next day at practice, it happened again. To the point that I was barely able to play catch. My wrist could just lock up.
It was humiliating. It was as if I had never played a game of softball in my life. But, here I was, a full scholarship athlete and I couldn’t throw the ball. Once it was noticed, the coach did everything he could to put me on the spot thinking more inducing more pressure would help this.
I developed anxiety… depression… I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was sure that I would lose my scholarship. But, fortunately I was able to come through with my hitting ability to hold my spot. It never got better. I had a special routine I went through to be able to throw during a game of catch. And I would pray to sit on the bench; I didn’t want to play. I would do anything not to be publicly embarrassed and “found out.”
I knew that if I stopped playing, I would let everyone down. I worried that I might regret leaving. Not once did I consider that what was happening to me was actually something known in sports. Something called: the Yips.
The Yips is a form of task-specific focal dystonia that is heightened by anxiety. Focal dystonia is a condition in which certain muscles that have long been used repeatedly to perform a task, suddenly cannot perform that task anymore. It manifests itself with a loss of awareness of body position and locking of limbs. The “locking of the hand” feeling that many players report is caused by the muscles in the wrist activating at the wrong time.
This. Is. What. I. Had.
I wish it were different. I kept going despite the extreme fear and anxiety that I felt every time I walked on the softball field. I don’t believe that this was necessary. In fact, I wish I was brave enough to have asked for help. At the time, I wasn’t.
I took summer classes so that I could finish my degree early. You know, I still have nightmares about having to play one more season of softball. All because of the fear of having to throw the ball.
Why am I sharing? I am sharing because we don’t always have to push through at the expense of our mental, emotional, and physical health. As doctors… we do this often. And each time, we pay the price.
What I wish for you all:
Be extra kind and gentle to yourselves. Stop pushing so hard all the time. It’s ok to stop or say no. You are enough, just as you are… you are enough.
I choose to accept myself - yips and all - knowing that I have my own back now; I don’t have to be afraid anymore.
Thank you for letting me share. It’s something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for a while. Also, hoping to inspire you, and encourage you to do the same.