“No-one can do it as well as me”

Do you have trouble delegating and asking for help? Do you say that you’re doing too much because nobody else can do it other than you? I personally do, and here’s why.

Asking for Help is Hard

What happens when you think that no one can do it and only you can? For me, it makes me feel a lot of pressure. I take the action of yelling and saying things I don’t want to say. I dwell. As a result, I believe that I’m really the only one who can do it. 

Sure, there will be certain things you’re the best at. But there are also thing that other people can do just as well as you. Maybe they won’t do it exactly like you, but you can probably train them to do it well enough.

To do so, you have to be willing to feel uncomfortable that something might get done not exactly as you’d have wanted it. As long as you can accept that, or you’re ready to have the conversation about how you want something to be done, it’ll be okay.

If you’re trying to grow as a person, to bring joy back into your life, to unload some of the unnecessaries, it’s worth the discomfort to see what’s on the other side. 

For example, about two years ago I started noticing that it was very difficult for me to keep up with the laundry. I asked myself why I wasn’t asking for help. It wasn’t that I thought I was the best person to do laundry. I was just afraid of the unknown. It was all a matter of me not being as flexible as I could be. 

In the end, I ended up going out of my comfort zone, asking around, and finding an amazing woman to do the laundry. And it completely changed my life. By being open to something that was uncomfortable, I learned a lot and overcame my hesitation to ask for help.

Why We Have Difficuty Asking for Help

Even though my husband Mark wants to help me, time and time again, I avoid asking him. Why? In my mind, I’m protecting him by not asking him to do something. I’m not willing to give up the control of knowing that if I do it, it’s going to get done. 

But by doing this, I’m not helping Mark. I’m setting myself up to resent Mark. In my mind, I’ve protected him, but I’m actually developing some irritation or resentment, because I’m thinking, “Why can’t he be doing this?”. 

I’m also enabling him. Because I can’t ask Mark for help, he’s more likely to rely on me. In return I start to resent him for not knowing how to do it himself. And all of this has nothing to do with him.

So maybe by “protecting” other people, we’re really hurting them. In fact, asking for help can really help the other person.

If you find it hard to ask for help, think about why. Does it lead to thoughts like, “I should be able to do this?” and “This shouldn’t be a big deal”? Often we think we’ll be weak if we can’t do it all. That it makes us not enough. 

But what if you just started by asking for help with something small? Even just something like pairing the socks. You might be surprised with how well it goes. After you do that, you’ll gain comfort with asking for help. It’ll make you feel empowered, not weak. 

It’ll create a sense of partnership, equality, and positivity in your relationships. Because part of relationship building is give and take. And it helps your loved ones feel more comfortable asking for help when they need it. By asking for help, you set an example and inspire others to do the same.

Obstacles to Asking for Help

When we believe we have to do everything, it’s a choice. But you have to overcome the belief that you have to do everything and give up control. You might find that watching somebody else do it will even be preferable or advantageous to doing it your own way. 

If we want to make a change and give others a chance to show that they too can do things, we have to communicate directly and give the other person the space to try. We have to express our needs.

How to Ask for Help

Nobody’s a mind reader. In order for somebody to help you how you want to be helped, you have to be ready to have conversations. 

For example, I recently started working with a new coach. It became immediately evident that we have very different styles. It made me uncomfortable. So I had to do something brave: I had to have a conversation. I had to ask what his vision was and be honest that I didn’t believe we see eye to eye. 

It was a straightforward conversation with a lot of silence and pauses. But it grew our ability to work together more. When we met each other halfway, the magic started flowing. We both had to be patient with each other, do the mature thing, and come together.

My thought of “nobody can do it right. I have to do it myself” came up in the situation. I could have stayed there. But I realized it wouldn’t be helpful to me or the people I serve to do so. I wanted to grow. And to grow, you have to let go. For me, letting go is getting rid of the desire for control. It’s communicating to work toward a mutual goal. 

The conversation is hard. We don’t want to hurt people. We don’t want to create discomfort. But if we’re willing to be open in conversation, we can achieve so much. 

If you need more help in your life, what’s holding you back? If you can get past this obstacle and ask for help, what could your life look like? What if you were willing to watch somebody else do the task instead of you? What if you gave them that trust? What if it worked out? 

There are people out there who want to help you the same way that you want to help people. If you’re scared, evaluate it. Start small. Go all in. Ask for he