“I Need To Be In Better Shape To Go To The Gym”

If you’ve felt that you need to be in better shape to go to the gym, don’t feel bad; you’re not alone. I’ve felt this way, too. It’s human nature: we want to be accepted. We believe that if we go to the gym and we’re not in the kind of shape that we think we should be, we’ll be judged - by other and by ourselves, too.

See, the reality is that we tend to judge ourselves for everything. In fact, we may not even know we’re doing it. But any time we think there’s something we should or shouldn’t have done, that’s a self-judgment. This belief that something has gone wrong and we haven’t lived up to an expectation is just that: a belief and a thought distortion - not a reality.

The Gym

When you think of the gym, you may imagine lots of in-shape people walking around in designer fitness wear, laughing with their friends. It’s a big community full of beautiful people. And if we don’t believe that we’re a part of that crew, we already believe we don’t belong there. Having a certain image in mind of how we’ll have to look in order to allow ourselves to go to the gym will only create more judgment.

We all have an image of people that are “allowed” in the gym. Imagine you’re at the gym in the current shape you’re in. Picture yourself there. What’s happening? Do you feel nervous? Does it seem like people are looking at you? Worrying about what others are thinking is human nature. But we don’t have to care what others think. We can choose not to, it just takes a bit of work.

The reality is that nobody at the gym cares how much you’re lifting. They don’t care how fast your treadmill is going. They don’t care what you’re wearing. They simply don’t notice. If somebody does care, it’s more a projection of their own thoughts about themselves than anything to do with you. 

Part of the solution to overcome the constant feeling of being judged is to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there again and again, and realize that nothing bad is going to happen. The minute we decide to be vulnerable and present, we feel calm, relaxed, and believe we can show up anywhere and work out. If we can believe that we’re perfect as is, having that self-love and self-acceptance, we stop allowing others’ judgment to take over our lives.

At the end of the day, there’s no requirement to enter a gym other than that you want to be there and better yourself. It has nothing to do with how you look, how much you can lift, or anything of that type.

Eating

One of the things that comes up all the time is worry about others judging what we’re eating. This comes up often with my clients who want to lose weight for their health. They’re very concerned about not wanting to be seen eating a “bad’ food because they’re worried they will be judged. They say, “If somebody sees me eating pizza, they’ll think I don’t care about my health or I’m not trying hard enough.” 

But nobody has ever actually said that to them. We create these thoughts based on what we think. Maybe that means that when we see others eating pizza, we’re judging them. See, how we talk to ourselves reflects how we see the world. It’s not something to feel bad about; it’s just the way our brains work. The beautiful thing is that we can correct it; it’s all about noticing that judgment in ourselves. 

This is where the diet mentality - classifying foods as “good” and “bad” - comes in. Suddenly, we’re not just judging ourselves; we’re judging our food, too. Alternatively, with intuitive eating, you dial into your body’s unique and natural hunger cues to decide what food will serve your body best at any given moment. Eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re satisfied will allow you to arrive at your body’s natural healthy weight. 

The beauty of intuitive eating is that we get to honor our unique bodies and achieve optimum health. We stop judging food. We heal our relationship with our bodies. We determine which foods are “sometimes” and which are “all the time” foods, but there’s room for all foods. That’s what is sustainable.

Seeing People After You’ve Gained Weight

Many of my clients have been chronic dieters for years, losing and gaining weight again and again, and they often worry about what others will think when they see them again after a while and they’ve maybe gained some weight for any variety of reasons. We start judging ourselves for having gained weight. We think it says something negative about us and we assume others are judging us in the same way. 

We create the story that others are judging us with the same exact words we judge ourselves with. But that’s impossible because no two people think exactly alike. Chances are, the people you care about don’t even notice the fluctuations in your body. And the more you accept your own unique body, the less fearful you’ll feel of other people and their judgments. 

Finding Freedom

When you don’t judge yourself, you won’t assume others are judging you either. It all starts with us. Whether it’s about going to the gym, how we’re eating, our weight gain, or our clothing choices, we have to come to terms with what we’re doing, what we want, and who we are. Then the other voices around us cease to matter. When we can believe in how we’re showing up, we become free.

When you’re free of judgment, anything can be going on in your life - unemployment, weight gain, anything - and you’ll maintain your self-love. If we can accept and honor where we are in our journey, that’s freedom. When we can release that judgment, we won’t be worried about how others perceive what we’re doing. The first step is to love, accept, and own ourselves and our decisions. 

It’s not about never judging yourself. It’s about recognizing when we do. That’s what will lead you to freedom.