“I Have No Grace For Myself Over The Holidays”

In general, it’s already hard enough to give ourselves grace in everyday life. In general, we always think that we “should” do it better. Now add the holidays: expectations are higher, you’re busier, and there are more triggers going on. We’re already primed to give ourselves even less grace over the holidays. 

Perfectionism

Let’s talk about perfectionism. Maybe it’s gotten us pretty far in our careers. It’s allowed us to provide good care for patients even when we’re exhausted and sleep-deprived. But as the years go by and we work more and more, that perfectionism can spill into all areas of our lives. 

Perfectionism tells us we have to be perfect, but there is no such thing as perfect. You’ll only think you’re perfect when you have 100% nailed the very high expectations you or somebody else had for you. 

Perfectionists live in the all or none zone. If they think a goal isn’t hard enough, they believe it isn’t worthwhile. The grey zone is difficult. But when we set expectations, all or none thinking won’t serve us. It’ll lead us to an unhappy place of pressure that builds and builds until we can’t take it anymore, pop the valve, and release it somehow, usually through one of various buffering behaviors such as over-eating, over-thinking, or over-shopping.

Exercise Goals Over the Holidays

It’s time to evaluate whatever goal you’ve set for your health this holiday season. Maybe you want to work out for two hours every day over the holiday break. Is this realistic? Can you 100% meet this goal? If not, consider a different goal.

Think about the concept of “baseline minimum,” when you set a minimum amount of exercise that you plan to accomplish during the holiday season. That is what you commit to doing. If you commit to five minutes five days a week, you celebrate that accomplishment. If you want to start living in the grey zone, where you can find contentment all day long, it’s about setting smaller goals. 

Part of giving yourself grace is coming to terms with not every goal having to be a mega marathon goal. It means committing to something you’re willing and wanting to do and then doing it. That way, there’s no room to beat yourself up.

But let’s say you shoot a little high, wanting to work out 45 minutes, three times a week throughout the entire holiday season. And let’s say you fall short. That’s an opportunity to give yourself grace by reevaluating. All you have to do is reevaluate and then choose to move forward with a new plan. 

Maybe you’ve been in a situation when you haven’t made an exercise plan. You get ten days into the holiday season but you haven’t worked out. And you think, “Well, New Years is almost here. I’ll just start on January 1st.” This is a pretty popular way of thinking.

If you’re heading into this holiday season and you don’t exercise, I want to put out there the fact that there are many benefits to it. Something as simple as walking is amazing. Those endorphins alone will help you feel better and give your brain the space to create new thoughts that allow you to find unconditional love and ultimate grace for yourself.

Eating During the Holidays

What if you could be the person who never worried about eating during the holidays or on vacation? It’s not about being perfect, but rather how good you feel when you follow a nutrition style that makes you feel healthy. 

When we set high standards of avoiding every potentially indulgent thing during the holiday season, we better have a good reason for it. If you don’t, you’re setting yourself up for failure because you probably won’t meet that expectation. This is where we want to set realistic nutrition goals during this holiday season.

My style is a combination of intuitive eating with gentle nutrition. Intuitive eating means knowing your hunger cues: when you’re hungry, when your full, and what your body is asking for. It’s not a diet plan. It’s about you getting in touch with your body, whether it prefers to eat carbs or not, to be five pounds heavier or five pounds lighter. When we’re willing to honor our unique body, we can have complete food freedom. Then you’ll enjoy the holidays, vacations, and every day. 

The Hunger Scale

The hunger scale will allow you to get through the holiday season open-minded to listen to what your body is telling you, finding a new love for yourself. It’s less important what the food you eat is, and more about your ability to say when you’re hungry and full.

It’s all about getting hungry first and stopping when you’re satisfied. Before you eat, ask yourself if you’re hungry. (If the answer is no and you eat anyway, it’s a perfect opportunity to give yourself grace.) 

It’s okay to stop eating when you’re full. We don’t have to eat everything because it’s there. But if you do overeat, take a grace period to reevaluate and make a plan for next time, when you wait until your body is hungry to eat again. 

When you do this and realize nothing has gone wrong, that you can keep it going year-round, you’ll get in the zone, stop restricting, give yourself grace, and realize you don’t want to overeat or indulge anymore.

If this is a new concept for you and you’re used to sticking to a certain plan to get results, ask yourself if the plan has worked for you. Has it been sustainable? Whatever you’ve done in the past, don’t judge it. Judgment is the opposite of grace. 

Everything you’ve done in the past - whether it included yo-yo dieting or extreme exercise - it’s all okay. You didn’t waste any time. It got you to this point, where you can find your sweet spot- that space where you can achieve what you want your way. 

It takes evaluation of your body type, your food preferences, and movement. But if you can stop judging, realizing your past has given you data and knowledge, you’ll learn that every new minute is a clean slate. You don’t have to wait until New Years’; you have a clean slate right now. What is the next best step forward? That is giving grace. 

Reevaluate where you are now. Look at the past with non-judgment. And look at the future with hope. Everything you’re doing is amazing. I hope you have the most amazing holiday season full of love and grace.