How to Go From Chaos to Calm at the Family Table
Teach Your Kids How to Develop a Healthy Relationship with Food & Regain Control of Your Kitchen
By, Ali Novitsky, M.D., Physician Life Coach for Women
Triple Board Certified in Neonatology, Pediatrics & Obesity Medicine
As a busy woman physician who juggles homeschooling my kids while running a full-time business, I know how much stress meal and snack time causes for overworked parents. It’s hard enough just to get everyone TO the table, let alone trying to figure out what to make for dinner each night that will please everyone. Sometimes it’s just easier to give in when your kids are demanding that extra snack and you’re just too exhausted to uphold your boundaries for the millionth time.
I noticed when I’m tired from a long day, I start letting things slide because I’m just too worn out to fight over it. And, let’s be honest, it gives me a moment of much-needed peace when the kids are buried in the latest app or show online.
But, when I noticed the kids were on their electronics more than usual at the table and wanting snacks constantly throughout the day, I knew it was time for a dinner table revolution and to change the way our family behaved towards food. I was letting things go because I was just too overwhelmed to make the changes I needed to make to bring order back to eating time.
As soon as we implemented the simple guidelines I will outline below, I felt more peaceful and less stressed around food choices and meals in our home. My kids also became more aware of how what they ate made them feel and, with fewer distractions, started developing a healthier relationship with their food.
Setting up healthy eating patterns early on teaches your kids how to eat intuitively for a lifetime AND it saves your sanity now!
Even better, we started enjoying our meals as a family again after we started these simple changes to our table habits. I want to share with you what worked for us so you can bring more peace to your home life too.
In this blog, I help you minimize the kitchen chaos and bring order back to your meals with a few tips that made a huge difference with our kids at home.
Teach Your Children to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food
How many times have you set a plate down in front of your children, a meal you slaved over, just to hear the dreaded, “I don’t want that,” or “I’m not hungry”? And then you run through a list of other replacement foods you can make and end up cooking all over again just to please your kids.
Yeah, I’ve been there, we all have!
This is exhausting, especially for busy women physicians, and it’s time we put a stop to letting the kids run the show.
One of the main things I noticed that had to be corrected right away was my own lack of boundaries around food at home. It’s often easier just to let the kids have what they want, rather than policing a snack policy, especially when you’re already drained from a long day in your practice. I SO get it. Now we do snacks once a day and I set the timing for that.
When we start letting our kids have those sugary treats whenever they want, or an iPad at dinner to keep the peace, we jeopardize their healthy relationships with food in the future. It’s important we keep our boundaries in check so they learn how to eat for confidence and well-being, as these early habits will continue to affect their feelings about food throughout their lives.
In our house, and with the women physicians I train in my life coaching programs, I teach mindful, intuitive eating as a way to build a healthy relationship with food. A few guiding principles of intuitive eating I teach my kids and women life coaching clients are:
No food restriction — No food is “off-limits” but that doesn’t mean we should let our kids have all the treats they want either. Finding food freedom through moderation is the way to go. You can have those high-calorie meals you love as long as you find a balance where it’s not EVERY meal.
Pay attention to your emotions before and after you eat — We tend to eat when we are seeking comfort or feeling emotional. Being more consciously aware of how you feel before and after you eat helps you be more in control so you don’t overeat feel-good foods as a solution for your mood. Kids do this too!
Being mindful of how full or hungry you really are — When you do overeat it is usually because you aren’t bringing enough awareness to how you feel in the moment. Asking your kids questions like — “Are you full?” “Are you still hungry?” and, either way, “How does that feel?” can go a long way in setting healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
Focus on how your meal tastes and feels — If you’ve been used to dieting in the past, meal planning may be stressful, or you may have some guilt around eating certain types of food. Instead, focus on the color, texture, and flavor of what’s on your plate and encourage your kids to do the same. Even if they don’t like something, have them describe to you what it feels like to them, it may help you learn other foods to avoid based on their preferences.
There are no “good” or “bad” foods — This is something that’s often hard-wired into our brains from childhood. It also comes from a punishment/reward system where treats are put on a pedestal and have to be “earned.” The danger of this is that you are creating positive/negative relationships with food that can be harmful later on. Instead, allow yourself and your kids to have treats but show them that other foods like veggies and fruit can be equally delicious and rewarding.
Intuitive eating is when you listen to your body, pay attention to if you're full or not, and give your body what it needs. There are no “good” or “bad” foods but there can be too much of something.
Many of us grew up in the “clean plate club” as mentioned in this article, where we weren’t allowed to leave the table until we polished off our entire plate.
Rules like this cause overeating and a feeling of guilt and remorse, which starts a chain reaction of negative feelings towards food that are hard to overcome.
If you want to learn more, this blog has some great intuitive eating tips as well.
Table Rules To Set Good Food Boundaries & Save Your Sanity
My stress level went way down when my husband and I started enforcing the following easy changes to our eating habits in our family. I encourage you to try them, both for your children’s benefit and your own!
Dr. Ali’s Family Table Rules:
No electronics are allowed when eating. Period. This is non-negotiable!
Check-in before/after meals and ask kids: Are you hungry? What does that feel like? Are you full? What does that feel like?
There are no restricted foods.
A daily treat is encouraged, however boundaries must be set for when the treat happens.
As parents, we are allowed to say, “No,” and ask for support from others.
I promise your kids will engage with you more just by implementing these 5 simple things that create more positive food habits. Give it a try today and you’ll see the difference it makes in your children’s behavior and your peace of mind right away!
Make Dinner Time a Chance to Bond with Your Family Again
Just because there is no restriction on what type of foods you can eat, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try to eat healthy meals, especially when keeping our immune systems strong is more important than ever. As Dr. Tiffany Lowe-Payne, a Board-Certified Osteopath says in this article,
“Nourishing meals create an environment where loved ones feel healthy and safe.”
The point of mealtime is to come together as a family and to nourish our bodies. Not to sit there on our individual devices ignoring each other and totally unaware of what we’re eating. This is how we get into patterns that don’t serve us later on, by being unconscious of our food choices.
When we eliminate distractions, such as electronics, and keep healthy boundaries around treat times that tend to get out of control, we maintain order and peace in our homes.
This also allows our home to be what it should be — a sanctuary where we get a break from our busy careers as women physicians. Instead of another place where we feel stressed and anxious all the time.
By making these small changes you will see big results in your family’s sense of connectedness that will take the stress and tediousness out of daily meal and food decisions too.
Conclusion
I hope this article gave you some ideas for how to regain control of mealtimes at home to bring more peace into your life. If you need more help with meal planning in a mindful, doable way, I encourage you to try my monthly group coaching membership program, G.O.A.L.S Society, exclusively for women physicians.
Learn how to eat for your body type with no food restriction or laborious meal prepping and take the guesswork out of planning meals for your family.
Join My Health & Fitness Coaching Program for Women Physicians!
We use mindset training combined with strategic nutrition and exercise programming to help you optimize your genetic potential.
