“Dr. Mona Singh: A Journey To Optimal Health”

Dr. Mona Singh, a pediatrician from California, has been in my coaching business since the very beginning. She found me through a Facebook group where another one of my clients posted about having had great success changing her eating habits and thinking by working with me.

At that time, Dr. Singh was heavier than she wanted to be, using food to numb herself from stress, sadness, and loneliness. She was super frustrated, feeling like her weight was holding her back, and her A1C was coming up to the range where her doctor brought up medication as a possibility. For Dr. Singh, this was a wake-up call.

By that point, she’d tried everything: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, nutritionists, hypnotherapy, Whole 30, low carb, no sugar. All of them were successful for a short time, but she’d inevitably fall off and put on more weight, which was the worst part of it. She felt bad, lethargic, and like there was no end in sight. So almost as a last resort, she reached out to me.

Thankfully, that’s what finally brought the change that Dr. Singh was looking for. I started her out with thought work, doing a five-minute thought download every day. With the alternative thought models, something opened up for her. She realized she didn’t have to come home from work stressed out every day. Only then did we start working on how Dr. Singh could change what she was eating. Once she understood her negative thoughts and how to change them, eating wasn’t a struggle anymore.

Even without restricting, still drinking a Coke a day, Dr. Singh lost about 30 pounds and her A1C came down from 7.2 to 5.5. She started eating vegetables on her own, not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Slowly, one Coke a day turned into a Coke every other day to once in a while, whenever she wants one.

There once was a stop sign that was monumental for Dr. Singh. She passed it every day on her way home from work and by the time she reached it, she’d decided: either she was going to get fast food and indulge or she’d go home to eat normal food. But now, she just drives past that stop sign without having to think about it.

At first, Dr. Singh struggled with urges, specifically those that came from restlessness. And today, they’re still not fun, but they’re no longer the struggle they once were. When we first started to work together, Dr. Singh would give in to any urge that came up. Except when she was dieting; every diet plan she’d tried in the past forced her to white-knuckle her way through urges.

Together, we talked a lot about urges. Dr. Singh realized that urges feel fast, like you have to react to them. She had to come to terms with having to sit there and let the urge slow down, knowing nothing bad is going to happen. We practiced not making decisions or giving in to her cravings until the feeling slows down. She’d wait until the urge slowed down and all of a sudden, she wouldn’t necessarily need that cookie. And the more she did it, the less scary the urges became. And now when urges come up, Dr. Singh can ride them out until they’re done.

The truth is that when we can trust ourselves enough to allow that time, that is how we can overcome the urges. Dr. Singh’s transformation wasn’t only physical but also emotional and mental. And most importantly, she’s sustained it for years. That being said, it is continued work. There are still things to fine-tune and more weight Dr. Singh wants to lose.

Coaching Intuitive Eating

So, today, Dr. Singh and I worked on stopping eating when she’s satisfied. She can identify when she’s satisfied, but actually stopping at that point is tough. Typically, what takes a lot of work is knowing when your body feels like it’s had an appropriate amount of food. When she knows she’s satisfied, Dr. Singh feels a feeling that’s a bit fast, almost like anxiety. She thinks, “It’s not fair that I have to stop eating. I’m enjoying this and it’s been a long day and I want to keep eating.” And these are common thoughts.

It’s a thought distortion called the fallacy of fairness. We think we’ve worked so hard and we deserve to indulge, turn our brains off, get the dopamine going, and enjoy our food. For Dr. Singh, this thought comes with feelings of fatigue and secondary thoughts of, “What am I doing? I should really stop eating now.” That’s what creates that fast feeling of anxiety. And fast feelings lead to actions of trying to do something, like finishing those last few bites. We’re not okay stopping or being still.

When your body feels satisfied but you want to eat more food, it’s a perfect time to slow down and say, “What’s really going on here?”. For Dr. Singh, it’s wanting comfort after a long day.

So now, we have to create a different belief that will give Dr. Singh the result she wants, which is stopping at satisfied, being able to go to bed not hungry or full, and continuing to lose weight. So what’s a thought we can create and believe that will give us this result?

So we work backwards. What beliefs make Dr. Singh determined to stop eating when she’s satisfied? “I want to feel good when I step on the scale at the end of the week and keep making progress. By feeding my body the appropriate amount, I will arrive at my goal. And I can go back and eat more if I’m hungry later.” Instead of spinning into thoughts of, “I should really stop,” she wants to go into the place of, “Food is available to me any time. If I’m hungry I can come back and get more. But to achieve the goals that I want, the best thing I can probably do right now is get some rest.” When she’s satisfied, Dr. Singh can go and lay down or take a shower, knowing she can always come back and get something to eat later on.

Coaching Exercise

Another issue we talked about today is that Dr. SIngh has a hard time getting started with exercise. Once she’s there, she feels great, but she has trouble getting started. For a long time, she was committed to a minimum baseline of exercising three times a week, but lately, she hasn’t felt like it and sometimes only gets in two, one, or even no sessions in a week.

Well, your baseline minimum should be so minimal that it’s almost hard not to achieve it. So if you’re having trouble getting there, it may be a sign that you need to bring it down even lower. Because you want to be able to feel that sense of accomplishment which helps you create thoughts like, “It’s a privilege to be able to exercise” or “Exercise helps me feel less stressed,” which leads to a result of exercising more.

High achievers like Dr. Singh often think little goals are worthless, that they won’t do anything. But the idea is that the magic will happen in the grey zone, the place between perfection (which we don’t even bother striving for because it doesn’t exist) and not showing up at all. The more we can create grey zones in our lives, the more growth we’ll have.

Dr. Singh may have perfectionist tendencies, which can lead to all or none thinking that makes her want to throw in the towel when she doesn’t perfectly follow her plan. That’s why, with me, she doesn’t really have a plan. Instead, she has flexibility and trust that allows her to go all-in on the perfectly imperfect grey zone, which has allowed her to achieve amazing results.

That being said, this is all a journey. Dr. Singh still has negative thoughts and emotions. She still has positive thoughts and emotions. That’s the human experience. But if you actually think about it, negative emotions don’t actually feel that different in your body from positive emotions. The main difference is that negative thoughts create negative emotions and positive thoughts create positive emotions. Our body doesn’t know if it’s feeling fear or excitement sometimes. It’s our brain that tells us if we’re afraid or excited. We tend to be so afraid of the feeling, but if you take the thought away and allow the sensations, the feelings don’t feel all that different.

So moving forward, Dr. Singh will write herself a few post-it notes to remind herself to live in the grey zone of making an effort but not killing herself either. She’ll be able to keep moving forward, sustaining and improving on her amazing results.

To listen to the podcast episode, click here.