A Client Interview: I Can't Meet My Weight Loss Goals

I recently interviewed a close friend, a female physician (let’s call her Doc), about a topic that I know affects many of us: weight loss difficulties. After struggling with her weight her entire life, Doc started an exercise routine and lost 80 pounds - incredible, right? 

But now, Doc finds herself in a plateau, stuck for the past year, and not seeing a change in the number on the scale. She’s frustrated that her efforts aren’t leading to results, and that frustration leads to self-destructive behaviors. To Doc, it feels like it doesn’t matter what she does because the scale just won’t budge.

This is a super common problem. Women work so hard and nothing happens. 

This is Doc’s story. She lifts weight three times a week with a personal trainer, and she’s the strongest she’s ever been. She eats healthy, practices portion control, and limits eating out. But here’s the struggle: Doc will go for a couple of weeks sticking to her routine, see no change on the scale, and get so frustrated that she’ll go out to eat five times in one week. 

Doc has committed the time and money to go to the gym, get a trainer, plan what she eats - what else can she do to be successful? She is working hard, sacrificing a lot, and getting no return on her investment, if you will.

“I know that there is more to health than the number on the scale, but for somebody who has fought weight their entire life, that is the epitome, the judgment, the objective standard by which all of us judge each other,” says Doc. 

So, let’s talk about evidence and facts, because that’s what will allow us to generate new thoughts. 

Fact one: Doc is dedicated and committed to her eating and workout plan. 

Fact two: The number on the scale is exactly the same. 

Fact three: Doc’s blood work is favorable, despite her BMI falling into the obese category. 

Fact four: Doc can do a plank for more than three minutes and bench press 200 pounds - the best it’s ever been in her life. 

I asked Doc, “Let’s say the scale did not exist. Would your view on your progress be any different?”. Her answer? “Probably.” She’s reached amazing goals, bench pressing 200 pounds! “The idea that I can do that blows my mind,” says Doc, “But what’s frustrating is that when other women look at me they see a woman that is overweight and short and curvy. In my mind, I have that I will never be a single-digit side. I have to shop in the women’s plus section.”

Doc is torn in what feels like a trade-off. She’s performing well in the gym, but her size isn’t going down. In fact, it may be going up. She knows she shouldn’t care what society thinks, but she can’t help it. 

In order for Doc to make changes and reach goals, she has to examine her thoughts.

The main thought she’s dealing with is that not getting positive reinforcement from the scale makes Doc feels like what she does and how she eats doesn’t matter, because nothing changes. 

And this one seemingly innocent thought triggers a lot of negative feelings and thoughts for Doc. It makes Doc feel frustrated, upset with herself, and guilty. She feels like a loser, like she hasn’t succeeded. She worries that she’s sabotaging her husband, too, when her frustration leads her to stray from her eating plan. 

Out of these feelings comes eating more, eating out, making unhealthy food choices, coming up with excuses not to go to the gym, and a lack of excitement about working out. 

See what’s happening here? Doc’s The thought leads to feelings that lead to actions that make the thought come true.

So, then, Doc and I examined her expectations. Her main expectation is that if she commits to diligent exercise and an eating plan, she should be able to make the scale move. And that’s fine. But I encouraged her to think about timing. Because so often, we want immediate results, which can be a barrier to making change. 

She admits it herself, saying “I’m definitely into instant gratification.” So what if Doc changed her expectation, believing that it will take a long time for the scale to move. Does that change anything? Doc says, “Potentially. It gives me a longer time to reach a goal and it might promote me to not fall down, so to speak, as often, because instead of seeing it week to week I’d be looking at months or even longer.” 

I asked Doc, “What if we threw the scale away and the only goal were to be really strong? Does that change anything for you?”. Doc didn’t hesitate to say yes. “It took me a year to be able to bench 200… I know that it’s not going to happen overnight but I know someday I will reach that goal.”

Does the fact that Doc’s actively getting stronger change the feeling that eating well and exercising are a sacrifice? Says Doc, “I know all those things that I’m doing are contributing to my success. I know when I’m not eating healthy that it hurts my ability to weightlift or that it hurts my recovery.” 

When Doc thinks the thought, “Everything that I’m doing right now is changing me,” it makes her happy. When she’s happy, she sticks to her plan because she knows she’s succeeding. There’s that positive reinforcement she was looking for. And the result will be more success. 

Wanting to be consistent will eventually buy her time, and the scale will move down. Instead of using willpower and sacrificing, Doc will want to be doing what she’s doing. She’ll exceed her goals and remain happy and satisfied.

I asked Doc, “Are you willing today to adopt the thought, ‘this is all worth it’?”. Doc agreed, saying “It’s totally a different outlook. I can succeed and just change the focus of my goal.”

By shifting focus from the scale to her strength, the weight loss will be an added bonus because of Doc’s consistency. She’ll reach every goal she wants to because she’ll be operating from a place of happiness. 

Once Doc buys into the thought that her commitment to her healthy lifestyle is worth it, she’ll stick with her plan and not feel the need to overeat. Says Doc, “I’m just gonna take the scale and toss it in the closet.” It’s not a bad idea. Intuition can guide her. 

Before our conversation, Doc placed herself on a 2 or 3 on a satisfaction scale out of 10. Afterward, she was at an 8 or a 9, feeling motivated to move forward with her plan.